That's right. On September 11th, 2016 Jerry Hughes missed the team bus that was headed to M&T Bank Stadium for their week 1 matchup against the Baltimore Ravens.
Hughes ended up having to get an Uber to take him to the stadium. Jerry Hughes missed the team bus. That one guy on the Bills, the linebacker. He missed the team bus. To our knowledge, no NFL player has ever missed their team's bus. The ProFootballJokes staff will keep you posted on this hot topic.
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It’s almost every NFL team’s worst nightmare when their starting quarterback goes down. For the Browns, it’s just another day at the office. The Browns are down to their 5th quarterback at the end of week 5. The Browns front office reportedly has a checklist of free agent quarterbacks they can sign and throw straight into the fire when their starting signal caller inevitably goes down. While we don’t have the list, the staff weighed in on potential options for the Browns at quarterback. Logical options We here at Pro Football Jokes hate logic. But this section is necessary. Here are a few options that would be signed because of their supposed “veteran experience” that has really helped them in their respective careers. Josh Freeman As long as you don’t ask him to go on national television and attempt 53 passes just days after being signed, maybe this could work. Freeman has had some success in his career, going 25-36 as a starter. Jimmy Clausen Here’s a guy you can count on to be a warm body at the quarterback position. He’s 1-13 as a starter, so he would be a great candidate to help the Browns become the second team in NFL history to go winless. Jason Campbell This might be the most logical option of the group. Campbell was considered an elite quarterback for about 6 weeks before the Redskins went full Jim Zorn. Jason Campbell gives the Browns the best chance to win before he goes down with an injury 2 weeks in. Although, I don’t think he wants to come out of retirement to try and save an 0-5 dumpster fire. But hey, what do I know? Moneyball. Terrelle Pryor in the wildcat formation the whole time. Really. Stretches Alx - Michael Vick Experts say Vick’s career is over, but the Browns don’t. He really impressed with the Steelers last year when he publicly admitted that as an NFL backup, he wasn’t prepared for Ben Roethlisberger to get injured. Michael Vick would provide about 1 quarter of insurance before going down with an ankle injury. But a Mike Vick Browns jersey would be pretty cool, I guess. Reeb the unpaid intern – Geno Smith Hey, the Browns have a few picks they could shell out for Geno Smith. Might be tough for them to pass up on drafting another wideout next year, but Geno Smith knows that he and the Browns have nothing to lose. That’s why he shows flashes of Pro Bowl ability from time to time. And any player not named Terrelle Pryor on the Browns has done far less than that this season. Jemp – Marcus Vick This is why this section is called “stretches”, because Marcus Vick just recently got out of jail. Jemp is biased because Marcus Vick is 32 years old. Jemp – Jon Kitna Maybe Jon Kitna’s high school needs more money and he could donate some more of his game checks. A Bengals and Lions great, why not add the Browns to that list? Jeff Garcia This is the man who ALMOST got JaMarcus Russell back in the NFL. Almost. He’s desperate for an NFL return. 3 years ago he called the Browns asking to let him lead the team. That competitive fire is still there for him. He wants another chance with the Browns, and the Browns need him to help back up Terrelle Pryor’s winning out statement. Rex Grossman Last released by the Atlanta Falcons in 2015, Rex Grossman is a solid option in my opinion. Unfortunately, the only person in the NFL who believes in him is Kyle Shanahan and that’s why this one is a stretch. Good Jokes Brady Quinn Browns fans wanted Brady Quinn as badly as they wanted Johnny Manziel when he was drafted. Both players played like true Cleveland Browns players during their years with the team. Brady Quinn, like Jimmy Clausen, is a warm body at the Quarterback position. He is also not biased at all as a commentator. JaMarcus Russell JaMarcus Russell would last maybe a game before being caught with codeine and donuts. Still, there would be some great headlines during that week and jokes are good. Matt Leinart Desperate for another chance in the NFL, Leinart finds his way back in with the Browns. And then he gets injured. In comes….. Vince Young Yes, Vince Young. After being released by the Browns in 2014 Vince Young comes back and guides this dream team to a glorious 6-10 record, a record that only the great Brandon Weeden has guided the Browns team to in recent times. Christian Ponder Trade A first round bust who’s considered a veteran. Maybe worth a 7th rounder? Ryan Mallett Still making money because he backed up Tom Brady that one time. Jay Cutler Trade The Browns know they lost something special in Brian Hoyer, and the Bears troll them by sending over the beloved, rocket armed Jay Cutler. Alx - Tyler Thigpen As Alx pointed out, Tyler Thigpen was the best quarterback from the 2007 draft class.
You may have heard fans booing after John Kuhn touched the ball in Sunday’s game against the Raiders, but rest assured…they were just yelling “Kuhn!”
That’s what the announcers always tell you. The cheer started after Kuhn became a fan favorite during his long career with the Packers. When he touched the ball Packers fans would go nuts, even if his carry went for negative yards. But on Sunday Saints fans really asked themselves whether it was even worth the hype. “Yeah I don’t know if I should do it” One Saints fan said. “I just heard a few other people do it so I kind of reluctantly did it. He only went for like 2 yards. Should we really be cheering for 2 yards?” Only time will tell if John Kuhn is worthy of a cheer after 2 yard gains over the course of this season. Scot McCloughan continues to make small moves in the offseason as he gears up to get 12 picks in the 2016 draft. Today the Redskins announced the signing of Vernon Davis to a 1-year deal.
Davis, who was most recently on the Broncos, was once known as a nightmare to opposing defenses. However, he quickly became a liability as he dropped passes in crucial situations during the 2015 season. Now he's got another shot to prove himself by catching passes from Captain Kirk, but some teammates see the signing as a threat to their own jobs. "Before he came here I was the guy who dropped passes" muttered a disgruntled Andre Roberts. "The guys in the locker room call me Clifford Franklin. It's like a running joke and it always cheers me up when I average three drops a game. What if Vernon takes that away from me?" Vernon Davis will have to compete with Jordan Reed, Niles Paul, and Logan Paulsen for a roster spot, and it would seem that Andre Roberts is certainly rooting for them. It would be foolish for our readers to think that we're hanging up the reporting cleats after this season. As the world's #1 football news website it's our job to keep reporting in the offseason...but the staff doesn't seem to get it. I only have one message for everyone reading this short article: There's nothing more motivating than a speech from Gus. Here's to a spirited offseason.
August 8th, 2015. The ProFootballJokes staff was scrambling to get everyone online in time for our annual draft in our league, Freakingbeastness. In the midst of all the chaos, I was secretly plotting the best joke of all time: Picking Alfred Morris in the second round so Alx couldn't take him. Alx, the 2 time reigning champ of our fantasy league has had Alfred Morris every year and deep down, I was jealous the whole time. I was going to have Alfred on my squad this year and the boneheads who did the rankings projected Alfred Morris to go in the third round. What kind of crap was that? Alfred Morris is an established back who's going to bounce back and have a great season in 2015. Stealing Alfred from Alx in the second round would be a steal...so I thought. So, the draft began and I took Aaron Rodgers, like the idiot I was. Then in the second round I told Jemp I was going to take Calvin Johnson which really, really, upset him. But instead, this happened: God I love jokes. This was going to be awesome. I was building a fantasy powerhouse with Alfred leading the way...until Matt Jones came along in week 2 and stole carries from Alfred Morris. I was losing games, and worse, my Alfred pick allowed Alex to get 2 elite players in Julio Jones and Demaryius Thomas. He even chose Adrian Peterson with his first pick. He picked up Devonta Freeman as soon as he broke out. He stole every good player on the waivers and dominated the league. My team crumbled, I felt awful for Alfred. I had cursed him with my pick. I eventually shipped him back to Alx in a trade where I got Gio Bernard in return, in hopes that it would break the curse. By the end of the season Alx was 11-3, only second to Crouch United, who put together a surprising 13-1 campaign. The other two teams that made the playoffs were sitting at 8-6 and 7-7. The league was destroyed by waiver hoarding and my boneheaded pick in the second round on August 8th, 2015. That 7-7 team was me. I had scrapped my way to the 4th seed of our playoffs and I knocked Crouch United off in the first round with an underdog victory. And now, here we are: The Freakingbeasts vs. The Entertainment Supernovas in the championship game. All that stands between Alx's three-peat is this fantasy squad: And you know what? I think I can do it. The Entertainment Supernovas have something that The Freakingbeasts don't: Spirit.
Alx can try to pull a Jeff Fisher and troll me by starting Alfred Morris at RB2, but the spirit of The Entertainment Supernovas will prevail... And he'll like that after Kirk and Jordan torch him. Cool hail mary, Aaron. Really. Way to come back and beat the 3-8 Lions with your overrated football team. We're all so impressed. Meanwhile, in the first half of the game your fan base was probably crying and calling for a head coaching change, because 7-4 just isn't good enough. What a bunch of babies. Reminds me of that kid who was crying about Dom Capers in 2013. Again, most of your fan base is a bunch of bandwagons and yet they stood up and gave the ole reliable, all time interception leading, sexting expert Brett Favre a standing ovation after hating his guts for years last Sunday. Really cool. You're not that special, Aaron. And you're sure as hell not going to the Super Bowl. Your cute little hail mary doesn't even compare to what the great David Garrard did for the Jags in 2010. You're not special, Packers. You're not. Move along and go lose the division to the Vikings. As a lifelong Redskins fan, I have never witnessed stability in my favorite football team. I have witnessed 3 playoff berths and 1 playoff win, all with 3 different quarterbacks under center. Out of those 3 playoff teams, 2 of them share a similarity to the 2015 Redskins: They were 5-6 gearing up for a close playoff run. They needed to go on a long streak in order to get there. The 2015 Redskins, sitting at 5-6, will likely need to win 5 straight in order to keep up with the Giants, who are oddly playing better than they have in 3 years. But the 2005 and 2015 teams show more similarities than any of these other playoff teams: they’ve got #8 under center. Those #8's saw their fair share of quarterback controversies. And those #8's both have a deep threat. That’s right, I’m comparing the Cousins to Jackson tandem to the great Brunell to Moss threat from 10 years ago. And I won’t stop there. Cousins also has a stud tight end who comes up big when you need him (Jordan Reed) the same way Mark had Chris Cooley. Our LT (Trent Williams) is one of the best at his position, just like Chris Samuels was 10 years ago. Don’t even compare our #46 to the #46 we had 10 years ago. That’s disrespectful to Alfred…but he is finding his groove just in time to carry the team as they gear up for a probable yet improbable playoff run, just like Clinton Portis was healing up and dressing up as the 2005 team made their run. Maybe I’m overly optimistic. Maybe I’m sick of having my Sundays ruined. Or maybe I’ve found hope. With the exception of Todd Collins wearing #15 in 2007, we’ve had some success with #8’s under center. In 2011, Rex Grossman could’ve taken to us to the promised land had he not been wrongfully benched for the absolutely worthless John Beck (Screw you, John. You’re the worst Redskin QB since Patrick Ramsey). Kirk, like the other great Redskins #8’s, has a shot to make it to the playoffs. And although Todd Collins didn’t rock the #8, Kirk can relate to one video made for Todd after his win against the Bears in 2007. If Kirk can pull off this playoff run, then a mighty good leader is on the way. Take us to the promised land, Kirk. Don’t tarnish the #8 legacy.
The optimism spews from Pep’s chair this time. Here in America, we're used to seeing our politicians blatantly lie on national television. They promise us free this and free that, and it never happens. And we are so used to it that we kind of think that's okay.
What I'm not okay with, however, is when a politician lies about going undefeated in fantasy football. That's exactly what Jeb Bush did during Wednesday night's GOP debate. After the CNBC debate moderators professionally switched the topic of discussion to fantasy football, Jeb! claimed that he was 7-0 in fantasy football, going on to say that he had Rob Gronkowski on his team. I'll admit, I laughed. Gronk is undoubtedly one of the best players to have in fantasy football. Then Jeb! made a move that made football fans shake their heads in disgust: he turned to Florida senator Marco Rubio and boasted that he also starts Ryan Tannehill, who "went 18/19 last week." Okay, hold on. How the hell does someone go 7-0 in fantasy football with Ryan Tannehill? They simply don't. Tannehill is ranked 12th for points among QB's on NFL.com's fantasy website. While you don't need to have a quarterback at the top of the charts to have an undefeated team, it's damn near impossible to believe that Jeb Bush, in the midst of his campaigning, knew who to draft. The ProFootballJokes staff is involved in a combined 19 fantasy leagues, and only one team out of any of those leagues is undefeated. Here's that roster: QB: Andrew Luck RB1: Mark Ingram RB2: Le'veon Bell WR1: Brandon Marshall WR2: Amari Cooper TE: Ben Watson Flex: Rashad Jennings K: Steven Hauschka DEF: Carolina Panthers This is clearly the roster of someone who pays close attention to football. Andrew Luck has been inactive and Le'veon Bell missed the first 2 games of the season. Still, this person is 7-0. Let's see how that Ben Watson pickup works out for him. Is Jeb Bush the type of guy to constantly pay attention to football and hawk the waiver wire? The ProFootballJokes staff highly doubts that...even if Jeb has Rob Gronkowski on his squad... But maybe Jeb is using his campaign money for a different purpose. Jeb's campaign has raised the most money from corporations and it's not out of the question for him to hire a few fantasy experts to manage his squad. We'd check fec.gov but we simply don't care enough. We're just a bunch of dudes who hang out in a basement and participate in a collective 19 fantasy leagues. All we're saying is that Jeb himself is not undefeated in fantasy football. The pessimism continues to spew from Pep's chair. |
PepThe other lead writer at profootballjokes. Lover of pepsi and clear cut professional statements. |