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The year is 2021. Sportsbooks have become legal in your state and all of your friends are bragging about how they won a few dollars betting on teams with -1000 odds to win. You tail one of their moneyline bets and win $2.25. You feel empty inside. You didn't do this just so your friend could get $50 credit for referring you to DraftKings. You wanted something more in life. You wanted to retire young with all of your noble gambling winnings, but you can't achieve that with low risk bets. You came to the right place. Welcome to Pep's Picks. Every week I'll be posting my betting picks here as I descend further into degeneracy. I only have one rule: the odds for my picks will never be below +1000. I am swinging for the fences.  Buffalo Bills, First Touchdown Scorers
Dawson Knox (+1700), Gabriel Davis (+1800), Emmanuel Sanders (+2000) Sportsbook: FanDuel I guess these picks solidify the nature of this column. It may sound crazy firing in a few directions for one game here, but keep in mind the Bills came out and ran 15 straight passing plays against the Packers a week and a half ago. Sure it was an exhibition match but if you watched the Bills last season you know everybody gets love on this offense. Gabriel Davis caught 7 touchdowns last season and has been quite involved this preseason. Something about that just seems right to me. George Kittle to Score 2+ Touchdowns Odds: +1100 (FanDuel) I'm opting to bet on the 49ers beating up on the Lions in week 1. It's a matter of who does the damage. George Kittle is 100% and worth hammering at +1100 here. Brandon Aiyuk at +1100 also has my tail wagging. Seahawks at Colts, Both Teams to Score 10 Points - Qtr 4 Odds: +1100 (FanDuel) My PFJ colleagues all seem to believe that this matchup will come down to the last second and I certainly think so as well. Russell Wilson tends to make 4th quarters on the road quite eventful. Let's see if Carson Wentz can help hold up his end of the bargain here. It just feels right to me.
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It’s official. The Jacksonville Jaguars have signed Tim Tebow on a one-year deal as a tight end. The move reunites him with his former coach Urban Meyer, as the two have always had a good relationship. Tebow, 33, will bring his veteran experience to a young group of players in the locker room.
Tebow joins a loaded tight end corps that includes Pro Bowl talent like Chris Manhertz, James O’Shaughnessy, and Luke Farrell. It’ll be a long shot to make this roster. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of this move: Pros
Cons
Another day, another incident with Antonio Brown. The Raiders are suspending star wide receiver Antonio Brown after he reportedly threatened general manager Mike Mayock and punted a football in frustration. There’s been so much happening with this guy you can barely keep track…even if you did watch Hard Knocks. With the NFL season kicking off tonight, here’s a recap of the Antonio Brown incidents since joining the Oakland Raiders.
 If Brown keeps this behavior up, look for the Raiders to nix the guaranteed money from his contract and really violate reason #9. We’ll keep updating this list as the story develops.
Following 2 injuries to the quarterback position after 2 preseason games, Philadelphia has signed 40 year old veteran Josh McCown, making this the 11th NFL team he’s been on.
“It feels good to be back and I’m ready to get hurt again,” The journeyman and masochist said in a statement. “I know my role. Carson’s a young and talented player. But he’s only been seriously been injured twice in his career. I can show him how it’s done. I’m a mentor, but I’m also a guy who know’s how to come in and play a few quarters before getting a concussion, or some other injury in that realm. And let’s not forget we have the same amount of career wins, but I’ve got 36 more losses than him. He hasn’t faced real adversity like I have yet. I talked to my wife and kids about this for 3 minutes before I ultimately made an executive decision to pack all of our belongings and move to yet another city, where I can throw a few more interceptions and get hurt if and when Carson Wentz goes down. This ESPN analyst stuff wasn’t doing it for me. You saw how I played in Chicago 6 years ago, I’ve got this.” *This article will be updated in a few weeks when the inevitable happens*
Injuries, injuries, and injuries. That’s how most people will sum up the 2018 season for the Washington Redskins. A season that started off so well only to end up finishing at 7-9. As a Redskins fan I must admit it was hard to watch this team finish with that particular record. I can’t help but feel that I carry some of the blame after making so many Jeff Fisher jokes since this website’s creation, and this is some sort of weird karma thing I did to this team. Jeff, I’m sorry. I’ve learned my lesson. I will buy you as much chewing tobacco as you want as an apology.
A lot of people may try their best to forget this season, but as a Redskins fan I also know this: You have to remember the good times, because they only happen so often. I’ve only watched this team make the playoffs 3 times since I made the (perhaps questionable) decision to start supporting them in 2001. Sure, I’ve watched this team finish below .500 plenty of times, but there were some great moments during those seasons. I was there. Do you remember that time Troy Vincent blocked Mike Vanderjagt’s kick followed by a Sean Taylor return + a facemask penalty to beat the Cowboys in 2006? Forget them finishing 6-10 that season, that was a really good moment. With that being said, let’s take a look at some of the best moments of the 2018 season for the 7-9 Washington Redskins.
The Redskins Thrash the Cardinals 24-6 In Week 1
The Redskins stormed into Arizona and beat Sam Bradford and the Cardinals easily in week 1. It was total domination on defense and offense. The Cardinals didn’t put points on the board until the 4th quarter after a Sugar Ray halftime performance finally motivated them to do so. Everything looked great for the Redskins in that dominant win. As it turns out, that’s how pretty much everyone else handled the Cardinals in 2018, as well. But hey, it was the best week 1 away game since the Redskins handled the Saints in 2012. And that’s pretty neat.
Adrian Peterson Rushes For 1,000 Yards You have got to love a comeback story. Things were looking pretty grim when Derrius Guice suffered a knee injury against the Patriots in their first preseason game. I remember where I was when I read the news. At a brewery the day before Jemp3220’s wedding in Austin, Texas. I wondered if the Redskins would ever have another 1,000 yard rusher again…and then Adrian Peterson appeared. He officially passed the mark during a game against the Titans that I don’t quite remember the outcome of. But he did it, and then rushed 4 times for 0 yards in the final game of the season against the Eagles. Incredible.
Mark Sanchez Jokes About The Butt Fumble
I truly think this moment was the ultimate redemption for Mark Sanchez, who had spent so much time on the receiving end of this joke with limited ways to really address it. That perfect moment came in the week leading up to his start against the New York Giants in week 14 when a reporter asked Sanchez about the butt fumble and Sanchez had some fun with the question. It reminded everybody that Mark Sanchez is a good dude. And that Sunday Mark Sanchez reminded the world that he is a good dude that just isn’t that great at football. And you know what? That’s okay. I hold nothing against him, he took over a beat up team with limited plays and gave us all that one feel good moment that made us all forget for just one minute that our season was lost, in shambles, and spiraling downward at an alarmingly fast rate, and there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to stop it. I appreciate him for that. Mark Sanchez is good, people.
Adrian Peterson’s 90 Yard Touchdown Sprint In Week 13 Let’s go back to week 13. The Redskins on Monday Night Football against the Philadelphia Eagles? Easy. Easy win, things have never gone poorly for the Redskins on Monday Night Football. Those were my thoughts until I watched Colt McCoy break his leg. Out came Mark Sanchez, and football Twitter erupted with laughter…until he handed the ball to AD for a 90-yard touchdown sprint that put the Redskins up 10-7, seemingly still in this ball game. It really was a true thing of beauty watching AD break that run, as a 33-year-old resembling his 23-year-old self, and realizing that I had gotten out of my seat and been jumping up and down for the entirety of that run. That is simply something I don’t do when I watch Redskins games. It was that moment that gave everyone a true feeling of hope for just a little longer. Adrian Peterson would go on to rush 8 more times for 8 yards, missing the 100-yard mark. It the longest touchdown run in Redskins history. Pretty neat.
Bruce Allen To Remain As Redskins President, Take On Expanded Business Role You’ve just got to feel good about this one. Nobody works harder than Bruce Al—wait, what am I even saying? You’re telling me Bruce Allen got a promotion? Okay, that’s it. This article is over. We’re screwed. The Chicago bears are rolling at 8-3…but one player isn’t so happy.
Chase Daniel, the backup of backups is expected to play a football game this Thanksgiving. Upon learning the news the perennial backup grew visibly frustrated. “I had Thanksgiving plans with my family, now I have to play in this stupid football game.” Reports tell the ProFootballJokes staff that Daniel believed he’d never have to show up for any sort of team meeting ever again and that he could skate by on his one win against the Chargers that one time. Daniel has attempted 78 career passes for 1 touchdown and 1 interception and earned $28.3 million during that stretch. In a weird way this may be the best NFL career of all time. At halftime, it was reported that Daniel had played well enough to earn a 3 year, $25 million contract as the backup for another team. It’s no secret that the Rams are an explosive team seemingly capable of putting up as many points as they please. But one player took that for granted during their game against the Packers.
For the first time in what feels like forever, the Rams were forced to punt in the first quarter. Punter Johnny Hekker didn’t get the memo. Hekker reportedly looked up from his game of solitaire and said “Excuse me?” When he was asked to go punt the football. Sources say the same situation carried out every time the Rams had to punt. At halftime, Hekker was spotted on the sideline warming up his arm for a potential fake punt from inside the Rams’ own 20 yard line, saying "You never know. Always have to be prepared." 
Gus Bradley reacts to seeing the scoreboard after the first quarter of play.
So this season didn’t go as planned for the Jacksonville Jaguars, just like quite a few of their previous seasons. For starters, their record is 2-9, even after giving out a few big contracts to free agents and extending the contract of their beloved head coach, Gus Bradley. Some even said they had the best draft class of 2016.
But one thing is clear: After this season there will be no more Gus Bradley. And that really hurts me. In 2013, despite a winless record until the end of November, Gus Bradley stayed optimistic, preaching about the spirit of his team. Shad Khan stayed loyal to Gus Bradley and stuck with him to keep the spirit going. It wasn’t long ago when everybody wanted to play for him. 
3 years later, Gus Bradley has the worst winning percentage by any coach in NFL history. Soon there won’t be any more post game press conferences where he preaches about the spirit of his football team. I can honestly say that I will miss it dearly. So here are a few things to look for during the final 5 weeks of the Jaguars’ season and Gus Bradley’s tenure with the team.
1. Potential Gus Bradley post game speech after a win Gus has won 14 games in Jacksonville. Each time there has been a video of him in the locker room giving a fiery speech to his unenthused team after a win that sends them to 1-7 on the season. It never gets old to me probably because it never happens, but be on the lookout for it. You may never see it happen again. If it doesn’t happen, go check Jaguars.com (after reading this article and bookmarking this website).
2. Any time the word “spirit” is mentioned Competitive spirit is key in Jacksonville. It’s been preached for 3 years and demonstrated only 14 times in 59 games. When Dante Fowler, Jr. went down with a season ending injury in April 2015, fans were devastated. What did Gus Bradley do? He praised Fowler’s spirit and said he understood why the front office drafted him. Fowler’s spirit hasn’t shown up on the field since then but it didn’t stop me from appreciating Gus Bradley’s optimism. 
3. Blake Bortles pick six(es)
This article has almost entirely been about Gus Bradley but we need to be real here. Blake Bortles is clearly inferior to Chad Henne and will inevitably throw a few pick sixes down the stretch. And it will be Gus Bradley who ultimately has to defend him from the press or bench him for Chad (I’m rooting for the latter). 4. More disappointing fantasy performances from the Allen’s Were you one of those people who thought the Jaguars boasted a promising young receiving corps that would generate some nice fantasy numbers in 2016? Me too. Spirit doesn’t translate to fantasy points, unfortunately. 5. Unanimous picks against the Jaguars in the Staff’s Pick ‘em for the rest of the season Don’t be surprised if the whole ProFootballJokes staff picks against the Jaguars for the rest of the season. They’ve rightfully earned their spot to be picked against. Believe me, a few of us had high hopes for them at the beginning of the season…our Pick ‘em records quickly became more important than wishful thinking. Conclusion A lot of fingers have been pointed this season to what has caused Jacksonville's awful record. Some to Gus Bradley, some to Blake Bortles’ relationship with alcohol, and some to Full House. In the end the inevitable will happen and Gus Bradley will be fired. The spirit he preached for so long will be thrown away as a new head coach is hired, probably with the opposite attitude of Gus Bradley. The Jaguars will hire a dickhead who will start cutting players if they don’t play to his standards, probably starting with Luke Joeckel and the rest of the offensive line. I want to personally thank Gus for his time as the head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars. He was the inspiration for many jokes on this website and will be remembered by the staff for a long time. We wish him the best in his endeavors after the season. Thank you, Gus. Defeated after his team’s Sunday night loss, Mike Tomlin reportedly went to a local Chili’s to calm down and make sense of what just happened. Tomlin reportedly asked for a table for 2 even though he was by himself.
“I didn’t feel like sitting at the bar. I wanted 2 seats. 1 of anything is simply not enough for me.” Tomlin then went on to order 2 entrees. “Chris Boswell? Who the hell is that?” Tomlin declined to make any further comments after our first 2 questions. |
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