Here are the standings after 11 weeks:
Jemp: 105-56 Pep: 99-62 Screw: 94-67 Alx: 94-67 Reeb: 89-72 Jemp ended up extending his lead last week, but the important thing is that the Redskins dominated. And thanks to Rob Kelley and Kirk Cousins, I took down Reeb in fantasy in another Sunday Night heartbreaker for him. Anyway, now let’s get to our Thanksgiving pick’em. Vikings at Lions: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Lions, Screw: Lions Good win by the Vikings last week, all they needed was a defensive touchdown and a special teams touchdown. I’ve been saying for weeks that they need those in order to win, so it is good they finally listened to me. Their offense played better last week, but their defense allowed a struggling Cardinals offense to move the ball pretty efficiently as well. The Lions on the other hand just relied on Blake Bortles to get the win, so their game didn’t really mean anything. However, I trust Matthew Stafford to protect the ball on Thanksgiving Day, so I agree the Lions will get the win. Prediction: Lions win 24-17 Redskins at Cowboys: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins Redskins vs. Cowboys is the main event on Thanksgiving Day, and it might be the game of the week as well. I know Zeke likes to eat, but Fat Rob is going to get to that turkey first. And Kirk will continue to light it up, but the game should be fairly competitive. Prediction: Redskins win 99-0 Steelers at Colts: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers After two divisional games between serious playoff contenders, we get to watch two mediocre teams trying to take the lead in terrible divisions. If the tryptophan doesn’t put you to sleep, then watching Scott Tolzien trying to play quarterback certainly will (unless he pulls out his signature spin move). Not to mention Big Ben usually sucks on the road, but we also think the Colts have no chance to win sans Andrew Luck. Hopefully LeVeon Bell has another big day thought for the sake of my fantasy team. Prediction: Steelers win 27-10 Chargers at Texans: Jemp: Texans, Reeb: Chargers, Pep: Chargers, Screw: Texans So this is definitely a game that the Chargers could choke away, but then again, it’s the Texans. In the last game that the Chargers played, they blew it against the Dolphins, and Philip Rivers was actually to blame in that one. Usually he can count on his teammates to lose the game for him, but they haven’t been doing that lately, so he decided to step in. This week, I think he goes back to killing it, and I think Melvin Gordon will have a big day as well. And Brock Osweiler is still the quarterback of the Texans, so I’m taking the Chargers. Prediction: Chargers win 26-20 49ers at Dolphins: Jemp: Dolphins, Reeb: Dolphins, Pep: Dolphins, Screw: Dolphins Did you see Jarvis Landry pull all those players into the endzone last week? Impressive that a little guy like him has that kind of strength, but he deserves all the credit for that incredible individual effort. Yet he still had a disappointing fantasy day. Fortunately, I stayed away from Jarvis in fantasy drafts, but I was high on Devante Parker and he has finally started to look like a real NFL receiver. Not that I actually trust him from here on out, but it’s nice for the Dolphins. This week though, all they need to do is feed Jay Ajayi and they should be fine against the niners. Prediction: Dolphins win 30-24 Rams at Saints: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Rams, Pep: Saints, Screw: Saints Jeff Fisher really raved about Jared Goff’s performance last week. He was impressed that he didn’t have any delay of games, which is a pretty high bar for the first overall pick in week 11. The good news is that this week, Goff gets to play against the Saints defense. The bad news is that he will also have to trade blows with Drew Brees in the Superdome. Oh yeah, and the Saints defense hasn’t been bad recently, so maybe there is no good news. But hey, as long as the Rams don’t have any delay of games, then what does it matter how many points they put up? Prediction: Saints win 27-9 Giants at Browns: Jemp: Giants, Reeb: Giants, Pep: Giants, Screw: Giants Another week, another Browns game to pick. Ideally RGIII will return and lead the Browns to a win saving them from the dreaded 0-16. I think that would be the best redemption RGIII could possibly ask for. Even though that may be doubtful, I am waiting for that moment to pick the Browns. Until then, none of us can possibly pick the Browns, and the Giants get to keep getting easy teams to pick off to continue their winning streak. Prediction: Giants win 28-13 Cardinals at Falcons: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons Pep thinks the Cardinals have been his biggest disappointment this season. Even though David Johnson has taken the league by storm, Carson Palmer his Delhomme-like struggles as the offense can’t get the big plays it had last year. Fortunately, this week they get the Falcons who are about to go into full collapse now. Even at home, I am ready for the Falcons to lose this one along with almost every other game this season. Prediction: Cardinals win 31-13 Bengals at Ravens: Jemp: Ravens, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Ravens, Screw: Ravens Reeb is ready for the Bengals to tank to get a high draft pick so they can pick another corner in the first round. Maybe one that will actually be good. However, this is why I think they will let him down and win this game. I know that the Bengals lost AJ Green, who is the extent of the Bengals passing game, but I think Andy Dalton will actually be able to spread the ball around now. Tyler Boyd and Brandon Lafell are decent receivers, and Tyler Eifert is still a top tight end right now even if that might not be saying much. Jeremy Hill might actually get going now too, since Gio Bernard is also out. Either that, or the offense is a total train wreck, but I think the Bengals steal this one. Prediction: Bengals win 20-19 Jaguars at Bills: Jemp: Bills, Reeb: Bills, Pep: Bills, Screw: Bills Blake Bortles may not be having his best season, but he achieved something no other quarterback has ever done before. He has back to back games where he has thrown an interception off his receiver’s foot. Unfortunately, I have no proof that no quarterback has done that before, because kicked interceptions aren’t currently a stat, but maybe Blake Bortles can change all that. Keep chasing history Blake. Prediction: Bills win 24-17 Titans at Bears: Jemp: Titans, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Titans, Screw: Titans I have no idea what is going on with Jay Cutler. First, he is definitely out for the season, then there is a report he actually has a chance to play Sunday. I am going to assume he won’t play for at least this one game, but either way the Bears don’t have anything on offense. Jordan Howard is still a beast, but John Fox apparently doesn’t want him to get the ball in the second half of games. Granted, what does it matter at this point. The Titans cooled down against the Colts last week, but none of us can imagine them losing to the Bears. Prediction: Titans win 30-6 Seahawks at Buccaneers: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks The Bucs got an impressive win in Arrowhead last week, but the biggest upset for them is that Roberto Aguayo was 4/4. That’s field goals, I would probably be less surprised if it was 4/4 passing. He’s now over 72% for the season, so I think it was officially a great second-round pick by the Bucs. Though the Bucs had a great game, the Seahawks have been on a roll, and are also the far better team. Therefore, we all like Seattle. Prediction: Seahawks win 31-20 Patriots at Jets: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots Fitzpatrick is back at the helm for the Jets, so maybe he can make this a game. Okay, maybe not, but maybe he can at least get the offense going a little. I mean, Colin Kaepernick did it, so even Ryan Fitzpatrick should be able to do something in this game. This Sunday may have some lackluster games, but remember that it is matchups like these that produced the butt fumble. Prediction: Patriots win 34-20 Panthers at Raiders: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Panthers Panthers managed to get a win against the Saints last Thursday night, even if they did their best to lose it at the end. Losing Luke Kuechly is a huge blow to a defense that has really stepped up in the last couple weeks. As for the Raiders, they needed a questionable out of bounds ruling, two bad spots, and the world’s largest laser pointer to beat the Texans in Mexico City. But even though they got these gifts, I think Derek Carr would have been able to pull out the win regardless. He always seems to come through in the clutch, and Jack Del Rio always trusts him. I half expected another fade to Crabtree on the 4th and 1 at the end of the game. Prediction: Raiders win 23-20 Chiefs at Broncos: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Broncos Tough to predict this one since we don’t know if Marcus Peters and Dee Ford are going to play. The Chiefs defense is a different beast with these two on the field, and the Broncos offense isn’t exactly something to fear. Then again, the Chiefs offense against the Broncos defense is the bigger mismatch. The Chiefs are built to feed their running backs, and Spencer Ware hasn’t looked as good since he came back from his concussion. Perhaps he is just coming back to earth, but it looks like the Chiefs could use an All-Pro running back with breakaway speed and great receiving abilities. Maybe Ware can get back to being the feature back, but right now, the Chiefs offensive production rests on his shoulders, and it may be too much. Prediction: Broncos win 23-17 Packers at Eagles: Jemp: Eagles, Reeb: Eagles, Pep: Eagles, Screw: Eagles Well the Packers are coming off losing to the best team in the league, but the offense has been pretty good over the past couple of weeks. I assumed the Packers got most of their production due to the huge lead the Titans had two weeks ago, but after watching them play the Redskins, the offense looked pretty tough to stop. I expect the Eagles defense to contain them somewhat, but I don’t think Jordan Matthews and Nelson Agholor can exploit the Packers decimated secondary like the Redskins and Titans did. Even if they are able to get wide open, chance are they drop at least half the balls that come their way. I would feel much more confident if this was in Lambeau, but I’m going to pick the Packers in this one. Prediction: Packers win 26-24 Here are the standings after 10 weeks:
Jemp: 93-54 Pep: 88-59 Screw: 84-63 Alx: 83-64 Reeb: 79-68 Well none of us had a very good week picking games, but Screw at least was above .500, and he reclaimed third place from me. Hopefully, this week will be better. Let’s pick some games. Saints at Panthers: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Saints, Pep: Saints, Screw: Panthers Since we now know the Falcons are going to lose the rest of their games, this Thursday night matchup could decide the NFC South. Drew Brees is trying to carry his team to wins over good teams, but they went full Chargers last week to lose to the Broncos. Granted, the defense probably would have given up a score to the Broncos if the Saints had made the PAT, but at least that would it have made it easier to assign blame to the defense. The Panthers, on the other hand, know exactly which side of the ball to blame for last week’s loss. Maybe the Panthers should put in Luke Kuechly on offense just to stay in the backfield and stop the defense from scoring if the offense turns the ball over. Still, the Panthers defense looks back to form, even though I expect Drew Brees will have more success than Alex Smith. But I also think the Panthers offense will do better against the Saints defense than it did against the Chiefs, so I’m taking the Panthers at home. Prediction: Panthers win 27-24 Cardinals at Vikings: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Vikings I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing, losing four in a row after starting 5-0, or only beating the 49ers by 3. I would say the performance against the 49ers was worse, but the Cardinals actually have the second ranked defense, and the Vikings have the third. The Vikings also have the last ranked offense in the league, while the Cardinals have the seventh. In the Vikings defense, this metric just used yards per game, and the Vikings run a slower paced offense. If you look at yards per play, the Vikings move all the way up to 31st in the league (ahead of the Texans in case you were wondering). Yeah I can’t pick the Vikings anymore even if they are at home. Maybe we could see another 6-6 tie by the Cardinals, or maybe even 0-0. Prediction: Cardinals win 12-3 Bears at Giants: Jemp: Giants, Reeb: Giants, Pep: Giants, Screw: Giants Well I may have had some misplaced faith in Jay Cutler last week. I mean, I didn’t expect him to play well all season, but I thought he could last more than just the one game against the Vikings. I think he really ruined himself in the eyes of every Bears fan when he threw a pick six to Chris Conte. Now Alshon Jeffery is suspended, probably because the Bears drugged him, and John Fox is just making up injuries. I don’t think Jay Cutler gives even the tiniest of shits anymore. I think he is ready to start Nate’s Madden strategy of just throwing a Hail Mary every play. So yeah, we are all taking the Giants. Prediction: Giants win 20-10 Titans at Colts: Jemp: Colts, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Colts, Screw: Titans Both of these teams are coming off big wins, both against the Packers. The Titans were more dominant, but the Colts won in Lambeau. Okay, maybe the Packers just suck, but I think both of these teams are on the rise. But right now, Marcus Mariota is too hot, and the Colts defense is too bad for me to take the Colts in this one. I know the Colts won in Nashville just a few weeks ago, but I don’t think the Colts can get another defensive score to win the game, and Luck can’t carry this team forever. Hopefully the Colts can at least stop DeMarco Murray from throwing another touchdown. Prediction: Titans win 42-37 Buccaneers at Chiefs: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Chiefs, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Chiefs Well if Alex Smith plays like Jay Cutler last week, then the Bucs should have no problem winning this game. If he doesn’t, then we all like the Chiefs, and none of us think Alex Smith can match Jay. I was also a little confused as to why Mike Evans wasn’t more involved last week. Maybe it was because he sat for the national anthem to protest Trump being elected, even though he didn’t vote. His one vote probably would have changed the election, so he has no one to blame but himself. Anyway, he said he’s done sitting, so hopefully he will get the ball a little more this game. However, this also means Marcus Peters will have a few more balls thrown his way too, giving him chances for picks, or maybe he will just rip the ball away from Evans despite being about 50 lbs lighter than him. Nah, no way anyone could let that happen. Prediction: Chiefs win 26-17 Bills at Bengals: Jemp: Bills, Reeb: Bills, Pep: Bills, Screw: Bengals Both of these teams are coming off tough losses on Monday Night. Tyler Boyd pulled a Dez Bryant and couldn’t control the ball all the way to the ground. For all the receivers who aren’t sure what a catch is, maybe they should just hold onto the ball for as long as possible. Anyway, the Bills may have lost three in a row, but the last two were to the Patriots and Seahawks and Shady wasn’t completely healthy in all three. Now LeSean McCoy should be fully healthy, and Tyrod Taylor may be the most dangerous dual threat quarterback in the league right now. Prediction: Bills win 30-27 Steelers at Browns: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers The Steelers played a back and forth game against the Cowboys last week, but ended up on the wrong side of a breakaway touchdown run with seconds remaining. Clearly this means the Steelers suck and the Cowboys are the best team in the NFL. Fortunately, everyone can agree that the Steelers will win this week, mainly due to their opponent. All of us believe the Browns continue their perfect season. Prediction: Steelers win 27-17 Ravens at Cowboys: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Cowboys, Screw: Ravens Impressive win by the Cowboys last week, but can we talk about the fake spike? How did anyone fall for that? There were 43 seconds left and they were at the 15-yard line with a timeout left. A spike there would have been a complete waste of a down. Running a fake spike in that situation is like running a fake punt on third down. But I guess it worked out for the Cowboys anyway. Now they take on the Ravens, who have the top defense in the league. Maybe they slow down Zeke, but probably not. I hope the Ravens can get the win, but in reality, the Ravens aren’t anything special, so I have to go with the Cowboys. Prediction: Cowboys win 24-20 Jaguars at Lions: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Lions, Screw: Lions Obviously, I’m going to stick with the Lions here, but this is exactly the type of game that the Lions lose. The good news for the Jaguars is that at least Allen Robinson has had some good games recently. Unfortunately, Blake Bortles still tends to give the other team a few scores before he starts making plays. Aaron Rodgers is also now challenging Bortles for the best garbage time quarterback, so he will need to produce in this game against the Lions if he wants to keep his crown. Prediction: Lions win 23-21 Dolphins at Rams: Jemp: Dolphins, Reeb: Dolphins, Pep: Dolphins, Screw: Dolphins So, the Rams are starting some new guy at quarterback this week. I couldn’t find any stats on him, so he might be a rookie. Fortunately, he has guys like Kenny Britt and Tavon Austin to throw to, so his job should be easy. On the other side, the Dolphins have been on a tear, and when you look at how they have been playing, they are basically the same team as the Cowboys. Their offensive line has been playing comparable to the Cowboys’ line, and you might think it is a fluke, but the Dolphins have four first-round picks on their line, while the Cowboys only have three. Granted, Brandon Albert is going to miss this game, but he will be back soon enough. The Cowboys might have a slightly better passing game now that Dez is back, but the Dolphins have a better defense now that they are getting the help from their running game that the Cowboys have had all year. I expect the Dolphins to continue their win-streak in the coliseum. Prediction: Dolphins win 23-10 Patriots at 49ers: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots Since this game really isn’t worth talking about, I will tell you about one of the worst fantasy losses anyone has ever experienced. Last week, Reeb was feeling good going into Sunday Night, when he was beating Screw by 48 points, and all Screw had left was LeGarrette Blount and Doug Baldwin. Six touchdowns later, Reeb was ready to quit fantasy football. Good times, and a great game last Sunday Night. This one might not be quite as competitive. Prediction: Patriots win 45-24 Eagles at Seahawks: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks The Eagles took down the Falcons as a I knew they would, but it had less to do with the Eagles being good, and more to do with the Falcons beginning their slide. Still, the Eagles have managed to play a lot of teams at the right times in order to beat good teams. I don’t think this is one of those times. The Seahawks are coming off perhaps the biggest win by any team this season, and now they get to go back to Seattle. I think Carson Wentz will struggle against the twelves, and maybe the LOB will stump him too. Prediction: Seahawks win 20-3 Packers at Redskins: Jemp: Redskins, Reeb: Redskins, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins Everyone is picking the Redskins to beat the Packers in primetime? I mean, yeah that was completely expected, who would ever pick against the Redskins? The Redskins never lose these types of games, and I’m not nervous at all. The Redskins will get another easy win. Prediction: Redskins win 200-0 Texans at Raiders: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Raiders Brock Osweiler did a great job taking down the Jaguars last week, throwing for a whopping 99 yards. Maybe he can play better in Mexico City. Or maybe the Raiders will drink the tap water and then they won’t be able to play. Anything is possible in this crazy game, but none of us think the Texans will win. At least in this game, they might win again at some point this year. Prediction: Raiders win 30-17 Here are the standings after 9 weeks:
Jemp: 86-47 Pep: 81-52 Alx: 78-55 Screw: 76-57 Reeb: 74-59 I am finally out of the basement, figuratively. I went 12-1 last week to move into third place, and if it wasn’t for Matthew Stafford, I would have had a perfect week. Jemp now has a commanding lead, but we all know that no lead is safe in this pick’em. So let’s pick some games. Browns at Ravens: Jemp: Ravens, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Ravens, Screw: Ravens Who isn’t looking forward to watching the Browns in primetime? I was going to bring up how the Ravens lost to the 0-13 Miami Dolphins, but Terrell Suggs beat me to the punch. He still sees Greg Camarillo in his nightmares, and really doesn’t want Andrew Hawkins or someone to join him there. Pep picked the Browns to get their first win last week, and they were so close to proving him right. Unfortunately, none of us have faith in the Browns this week. Prediction: Ravens win 26-17 Packers at Titans: Jemp: Packers, Reeb: Packers, Pep: Packers, Screw: Titans I keep going back and forth on this game, and to be honest, I haven’t made my decision yet as I write this. I picked the Colts to go into Lambeau and win last week and they didn’t disappoint, so why would I pick the Packers to beat the Titans on the road this week? Marcus Mariota has been on fire recently, but the Packers defense may be able to slow down Demarco Murray. The Titans offense also forgets that when they are down a score in the 4th quarter, that their offense is supposed to go score themselves, rather than allowing the other team’s defense to score. Okay, this hasn’t really helped me pick this game, but I guess I’ll go with the Titans. Prediction: Titans win 31-27 Vikings at Redskins: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins Bad time for the Vikings to go on a losing streak, because now they have to take on the Redskins. Kirk is coming off the bye, and ready to dominate the league again, beginning with what was once the last remaining undefeated team. Prediction: Redskins win 100-0 Falcons at Eagles: Jemp: Falcons, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons I already told you that I was going to take the Falcons in this one, while still fully prepared for them to let me down. Matt Ryan has been playing lights out, Julio Jones is nearly unstoppable, and Tevin Coleman may be back from injury. All the while, Carson Wentz seems to have finally hit that rookie wall, starting to make bad decisions and just missing some throws as well. The Eagles defense has been playing well, but they did allow Eli Manning to throw four touchdowns last week, so maybe they aren’t quite that dominant. Everything seems to point to the Falcons this week, so prepare for them to blow it. Prediction: Falcons win 28-23 Bears at Buccaneers: Jemp: Bucs, Reeb: Bucs, Pep: Bucs, Screw: Bucs I like to think that Lovie Smith will watch this game and hope that both teams lose. Jay Cutler gave the Bears a reason to believe in him again when he led the team to a Monday night win against the Vikings. I’m starting Jay Cutler in fantasy in a couple leagues, and Jordan Howard may be my favorite running back in the league, so I have to take the Bears to win this week. But in all seriousness, I think this offense has the tools to be good, and their defense has exceeded expectations all year. The Bucs on the other hand can’t play defense and their only offensive strategy is to throw it to Mike Evans. Prediction: Bears win 30-20 Chiefs at Panthers: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Panthers, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Panthers This is another tough one for me to pick. I think the Chiefs are the better team, but the Panthers are at home and they need the win more. I think this is enough for the Panthers to get the win, especially with Alex Smith and Spencer Ware coming off injuries. Okay, they both just had concussions, so that shouldn’t really affect their play. Justin Houston might be back for this one also, which could lead to Cam Newton getting upset about being hit again. I’m a little worried about the Panthers offense, but their defense should hold their own against the Chiefs, since their secondary won’t have to worry about anyone throwing to the wide receivers with Alex Smith back under center. Prediction: Panthers win 20-13 Texans at Jaguars: Jemp: Texans, Reeb: Texans, Pep: Texans, Screw: Texans Man, this should be fun to watch Blake Bortles and Brock Osweiler duke it out. Allen Robinson and DeAndre Hopkins should have a fun conversation before the game. “I like to count bounce passes I catch as receptions in my head.” “Yeah, I often ask to come out of the game so I can catch some of the passes that are thrown five yards out of bounds.” I think these teams are fairly similar, although the Texans might be a little better. Still, I’m going to take the Jaguars at home, because I always love to pick against the Texans. Prediction: Jaguars win 13-10 Broncos at Saints: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Saints, Pep: Broncos, Screw: Saints Wow a lot of us believe in the Saints at home. They did destroy the 49ers defense on the road, so the Broncos defense should be no problem. Granted, the Broncos couldn’t stop Latavius Murray on Sunday night, so maybe the combination of Ingram and Hightower can run right through the no-fly zone. Their running game worked when the played the LOB, so there is reason to believe that they can win this one. However, I think the Broncos match up better against the Saints, and it will be tough for the Saints to win if Drew Brees doesn’t get going. Then again, I thought the Raiders could only win on the arm of Derek Carr, so what do I know? Prediction: Broncos win 24-20 Rams at Jets: Jemp: Rams, Reeb: Jets, Pep: Jets, Screw: Rams Well, Fitzpatrick couldn’t keep his magical streak of not throwing an interception alive when he didn’t notice the 300 lb defender right in front of him. Don’t feel bad Ryan, anyone could have missed him. Still, he kept the Jets in the game right until the end, and I think he has a good chance to beat the Rams this week. Say what you will about Ryan Fitzpatrick, but at least he can move the ball better than Case Keenum. Then again, Case probably won’t ever throw 6 interceptions in a game so you can pick your poison. Regardless, the Jets have the better team and I think they get this one done at home. Prediction: Jets win 24-13 Dolphins at Chargers: Jemp: Chargers, Reeb: Chargers, Pep: Chargers, Screw: Chargers There is no way I pick against the Chargers when they are playing so well. I was worried they would choke last week, but they didn’t. I will say that I think the Dolphins are playing well right now, using the power running formula that can keep any team competitive in every game. I expect this game to be close, but I think the Chargers have started to figure out how to win close games. Melvin Gordon realized it is probably better to break off a long run than to fumble the football. Prediction: Chargers win 27-23 49ers at Cardinals: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Cardinals So, the 49ers are going to the desert to get their asses handed to them. The 49ers can’t stop any running back not named Todd Gurley, and they get to see David Johnson again this week, who is one of the best in the NFL. It will be tough for the Cardinals to stop Colin Kaepernick, but they should try tackling after he throws his 3-yard passes. If they could at least touch them, then it would be a step up from what the Saints did. And the Saints still won by 18, so you can see why we are all taking the Cardinals. Prediction: Cardinals win 42-17 Cowboys at Steelers: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers You would think I would stop picking against the Cowboys, but not so much this week. The Steelers are back at home, and hopefully Big Ben is fully healthy, so I think they can take down the Cowboys. The Steelers can get off to a hot start after a miserable performance in Baltimore. Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell should take it to that Cowboys defense, and this will limit the rushing opportunities for Zeke. It is a definite possibility, and this is the one of the best chance for the Cowboys to lose, so I’m rolling with the Steelers. Prediction: Steelers win 31-23 Seahawks at Patriots: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots A Super Bowl XLIX rematch right here. I expect the Seahawks to have learned from their mistakes and hand the ball off to Marshawn Lynch. Oh right, he retired. Well at least they have Christine Michael, who ran for a solid 1 yard last week. Maybe if this game was in Seattle I would give the Seahawks a chance, but there is no way I pick them in Foxboro. The Patriots can throw it to their wide receivers, their running backs, and certainly their tight ends. Not to mention, Legarrette Blount is also there to pound the rock, so even the LOB won’t be enough to stop the Pats. Prediction: Patriots win 33-24 Bengals at Giants: Jemp: Giants, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Bengals, Screw: Giants I know Eli Manning threw four touchdowns last week, but he still almost gave the game away at the end, despite his team dominating most of the game. I think the Bengals are the better team right now, since I still don’t think the Giants offense has figured it out. The best strategy for the Giants is to throw the ball to Odell Beckham. I don’t get upset when the Falcons don’t throw to Julio, because usually that happens when the Falcons are having success moving the ball with other guys. But the Giants can’t do anything when they throw to other guys or try to run the football, so they just need to do whatever they can to feed OBJ. The Bengals looked much better with Tyler Eifert healthy, so I actually like the Bengals to get the win in primetime. Prediction: Bengals win 27-23 Here are the standings after 8 weeks:
Jemp: 76-44 Pep: 74-46 Screw: 68-52 Reeb: 68-52 Alx: 66-54 So Jemp has taken the lead after Pep struggled last week, but he is still firmly ahead of the rest of us. I am slowly gaining on Reeb and Screw, and remember, we aren’t even halfway through the season yet. Let’s pick some games. Falcons at Buccaneers: Jemp: Falcons, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons The Bucs get their chance to complete their sweep of the Falcons on Thursday Night. Maybe if the Falcons commit 25 penalties, then the Bucs can win this game. Or of course if they begin their collapse. I think that the Falcons reach their peak in this one and absolutely destroy the Bucs, and then begin to disappoint us after this one. I’ll probably still pick them next week, because I want them to beat the Eagles, but I am already prepared for them let me down. But I think they can win this one, because I don’t really care if they lose. Prediction: Falcons win 45-20 Jets at Dolphins: Jemp: Dolphins, Reeb: Jets, Pep: Jets, Screw: Dolphins I can’t wait to watch a battle of two teams that are on fire. They are both on two game winning streaks, and one of them is going to make it three in row. Assuming we don’t have another tie, that is. We also get to see if Jay Ajayi can give us a third 200-yard game in a row. Okay, that might be unlikely, but it would be even more remarkable if Ryan Fitzpatrick could give us a third straight game with no interceptions. Anyway, I like the Dolphins to continue their hot streak, mostly because I need Jay Ajayi to do well for one of my fantasy teams. Prediction: Dolphins win 24-20 Eagles at Giants: Jemp: Eagles, Reeb: Eagles, Pep: Giants, Screw: Eagles The Eagles put up a good fight against the Cowboys last week, but they ended up blowing it in the end. Doug Pederson assured everyone that Ryan Mathews is still their number one back even though Darren Sproles is better. Not much better, but at least he makes plays catching the football and he doesn’t fumble. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, their whole offense sucks, and they only win when they can score on defense or special teams. I don’t think they will this week, and I think the Giants win coming off their bye. Prediction: Giants win 23-10 Jaguars at Chiefs: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Chiefs, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Chiefs This should be a fun one to watch. I think Blake Bortles is going to frustrate Marcus Peters in this one, because Bortles will throw the ball so far away from his receivers that Peters won’t be able to get any interceptions. Allen Robinson is used to it, so he won’t mind. Then on the other side of the ball, we get to watch Nick Foles and Charcandrick West lead the Chiefs offense, so I don’t know what to expect there. West should be fine, and Foles looked good last week, so I trust them enough to take care of the Jags at home. There aren’t many players I wouldn’t trust to do that right now. Prediction: Chiefs win 21-17 Lions at Vikings: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Lions Finally, Norv Turner is gone, so this offense won’t be held back any longer. Guys like Matt Asiata, Jerrick McKinnon, Stefon Diggs, and especially Cordarrelle Patterson should start to shine now. And with Sam Bradford leading the way, how could anyone fail with this offense? After talking about why the Eagles aren’t good, I realize that I could use that same argument against the Vikings. Still, I’m going to pick them again this week, because I still think their defense is elite. I don’t feel great about it, but the Lions just lost to the Texans, so I can’t really trust them anyway. Prediction: Vikings win 20-17 Cowboys at Browns: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Browns, Screw: Cowboys Pep is taking the Browns to win this one. Trading for Jamie Collins should really turn the team around, since he was the biggest difference between the Browns and the Patriots. Dak will finally get a real test this week having to play against that Browns defense with Joe Haden and Jamie Collins and… other guys. Alright, maybe I don’t believe in Josh McCown as much as Pep does, so I’m going to pick the Cowboys. Prediction: Cowboys win 31-17 Steelers at Ravens: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers Big Ben might return early from his injury? Who could have seen that coming? Ben, we get it, you’re tough. You don’t need to pretend you will be out for an extended period of time every year so you can come back sooner. I guess it gives him a good excuse if he doesn’t play well though. Or if he accidentally sexually assaults a woman. Oh, maybe it’s not a good excuse for that one, but it seems to have worked before. But even if Roethlisberger plays in this one, I trust good coaches coming off a bye, so I’m picking the Ravens to win this one at home. Prediction: Ravens win 28-25 Saints at 49ers: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Saints, Pep: Saints, Screw: Saints I told you I had a good feeling about the Saints last week, and they went ahead and proved me right by beating the Seahawks. I have a good feeling again this week, mostly because they are playing the 49ers so it will be hard for them to lose even though they tend to suck on the road. The 49ers can just wait for next year and hope they get the late Monday Night game in week 1 again next year. That will give them one week of happiness before everything goes to hell again. Prediction: Saints win 34-20 Panthers at Rams: Jemp: Panthers, Reeb: Panthers, Pep: Rams, Screw: Panthers I told you I trust good coaches coming off a bye, so you can draw your own conclusions when I pick the Panthers to win this one. The Rams do finally get to go back to the Coliseum, so maybe that will give them a lift. However, I think the Panthers are back on track, and the Rams certainly won’t get in their way. Maybe Todd Gurley could even get his first 100-yard rushing game. Who am I kidding? Jonathan Stewart is the best running back in this game. Fozzy Whittaker might be number two. Prediction: Panthers win 24-17 Titans at Chargers: Jemp: Chargers, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Chargers, Screw: Titans The Chargers are easily the best team in this game, but this is also the exact type of game that they usually blow. The Titans are feeling good after trouncing the Jags, but I think the Chargers can put up a little better fight against the Titans rushing attack. Although according to Gus Bradley, the Jaguars struggled because they were trying too hard, so the Chargers should remember not to do that. I think Philip Rivers has just the right amount of spirit to win this one, and hopefully his team doesn’t blow it for him. Prediction: Chargers win 27-23 Colts at Packers: Jemp: Colts, Reeb: Packers, Pep: Packers, Screw: Packers Aaron Rodgers looked great last week if you watched the highlights, but with all those big plays he made, he still only threw for 246 yard on 38 attempts. The Packers have their big play potential back, but they still don’t have a consistent way to move the ball, especially with Aaron Ripkowski as their best running back. The Colts actually got some firepower back last week in Donte Moncrief, only to have TY Hilton get hurt during the game. Hopefully Hilton will be back in this one, and I think the Colts can go into Lambeau and steal one on the road. Prediction: Colts win 33-30 Broncos at Raiders: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Broncos I can’t wait to see this game and watch great offense take on great defense. We get to see Trevor Siemian contend with the likes of David Amerson and Sean Smith. Oh yeah and Derek Carr is in the MVP conversation all the while. It may sound farfetched, but he has carried a team with a bad defense and not much of a running game to a 6-2 record. Not to mention he is as clutch as they come. He essentially led the Raiders on like 3 game winning drives just last week, but the first two failed only due to penalties, dropped passes, and missed kicks. I don’t know if he can get it done against this Broncos defense, but I want to believe that he can so I’m taking the Raiders at home. Prediction: Raiders win 21-20 Bills at Seahawks: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks Screw is banking on the Percy Harvin revenge game to help him win in fantasy this week, but he still can’t bring himself to pick the Bills to win this game. Maybe if it was in Buffalo, I would consider the Bills, but probably not. Shady is banged up, and Percy Harvin might have just become their best receiver. Okay, not really, but my point is that all of their receivers suck, and they certainly have the second best defense in this game. The only challenge for Seattle in this game is for the twelves to come up with something better than throwing a dildo on the field. Prediction: Seahawks win 16-9 Here are the standings after 7 weeks:
Pep: 69-38 Jemp: 68-39 Screw: 61-46 Reeb: 61-46 Alx: 58-49 Screw lost a few games on the rest of us, letting Reeb catch up to him, but everything else remained the same. I’m still working my way up from the bottom, so I’m taking some more chances this week. Let’s pick some games. Jaguars at Titans: Jemp: Titans, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Jaguars, Screw: Jaguars Some people like the Cardinals and Seahawks, some like the Steelers and Bengals, but our favorite rivalry is the Jaguars and Titans. It was smart for the MLB not to schedule a game of the world series on this night because no one would watch it with the Jags and Titans playing. I wonder if they will have the same terrible color rush uniforms as last year, or if they will change it up. Maybe they feel the previous ones suit the game. Anyway, the Titans actually have a chance to be tied on top of the AFC South after this week, and I think they will be. Prediction: Titans win 20-17 Redskins at Bengals: Jemp: Bengals, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Bengals, Screw: Redskins London finally gets a taste of the best football team in the world. I can’t wait for Reeb to blame the refs when the Bengals lose. Prediction: Redskins win 100-0 Seahawks at Saints: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks I’m going bold this week. I didn’t expect Drew Brees to play well in Arrowhead last week, but he lit it up, even though the Saints still lost. Drew Brees always puts up big points at home, and right now I don’t know if the Seahawks offense can keep up with them. Still, last time I doubted the Seahawks offense, they absolutely destroyed the 49ers, and of course, they are going against the Saints defense. The Jimmy Graham revenge game may be too much for the Saints to handle. But I am saying that it is Max Unger who will get revenge this week. Prediction: Saints win 27-24 Cardinals at Panthers: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Cardinals I find it hard to believe that the Panthers could fall to 1-6. Then again, I didn’t think they would fall to 1-5… or 1-4. The Cardinals on the other hand have been playing pretty well. They did a great job of dominating the Seahawks on Sunday Night Football, but they forgot how to actually put up points in that game. They also may want some revenge for the NFC championship game last year, but Carson Palmer hasn’t seemed to be able to recover from that game. Maybe that’s a little bit of revenge for when Jake Delhomme threw 5 picks against the Cardinals in the playoffs back in 2008, and then was never the same. Hopefully Carson doesn’t become that bad, but I think Cam gets the win this week. Prediction: Panthers win 30-20 Raiders at Buccaneers: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Raiders I’m continuing the trend of taking the home team. These teams are pretty similar to me, except the Raiders have a better record, which is why I see this evening out a bit this week. Besides, we know the Raiders can’t stop Jacquizz Rodgers. Oh yeah and Mike Evans is pretty good too even though Screw benched him on his fantasy team last week. I expect a shootout in this game, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Derek Carr pulls it out at the end, but I have a good feeling about Jameis in this one. Prediction: Bucs win 34-30 Chiefs at Colts: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Chiefs, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Chiefs My streak of taking the home team ends here. The Colts got a nice win against the Titans, but I don’t think they can take the Chiefs. If only they hadn’t blown that game against the Texans, then they would be leading the AFC South. But I guess this makes it more interesting. Unfortunately for Luck, we all like the Chiefs in this one. Prediction: Chiefs win 28-25 Patriots at Bills: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots Well the Bills had a nice run there, but losing to the Dolphins right before having to play the Patriots is a great way to kill that momentum. I am really looking forward to the Chris Hogan revenge game. Bill Belichick likes to feed players going against their former teams. I don’t think he does it for their benefit, but rather to stick it to the other coach because he can get more out of that player than the other coach ever could. I don’t know why we even bother to pick Patriots games… or Browns games, but for different reasons. Prediction: Patriots win 35-20 Jets at Browns: Jemp: Jets, Reeb: Jets, Pep: Jets, Screw: Jets Yeah so I just mentioned that this game doesn’t really need any explanation since the Browns are playing, but if any of us were going to pick the Browns, this would be the week. But, still none of us can do it. Ryan Fitzpatrick believes in himself, and this might be the only week where other people actually believe in him too. I mean, he will still probably throw a few interceptions, but the Browns probably won’t do anything with them so it’s fine this week. Prediction: Jets win 23-16 Lions at Texans: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Lions, Screw: Lions Man, Brock Osweiler might be even worse than I thought, which is really saying something. Actually, he may have exceeded my expectations for him against the Broncos. He didn’t even throw an interception, which is what Ryan Fitzpatrick considers a great game to prove all the doubters wrong. See Brock, I can pay you a complement every once in a while. I even think you could throw a touchdown this week against the Lions. But obviously, I’m taking the Lions to win. Prediction: Lions win 24-17 Chargers at Broncos: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Broncos, Screw: Broncos I am glad the Chargers have been able to finish some games recently, even if it does derail an article I was going to write about the Chargers always falling apart late in games. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll get another opportunity sooner or later. I’m still pulling for the Chargers in this one, but I find it hard to imagine them beating the Broncos twice in three weeks, especially with this one at Mile High. I never seem to pick a Chargers game correctly though, so maybe they end up winning this one. Prediction: Broncos win 27-20 Packers at Falcons: Jemp: Falcons, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Packers, Screw: Falcons Pep thinks this is the beginning of the end for the Falcons, but I’m not so sure. When the Falcons fell apart last year, it wasn’t just them losing. They played horribly. It started with them almost losing to the Titans with Zach Mettenberger, and it didn’t get better after that. So far this year the Falcons have continuously played well, but they suffered two close losses to pretty good teams. The Packers on the other hand were able to beat Matt Barkeley and the Bears, so they are clearly a great team. Still, I think the Falcons manage to win this one. Prediction: Falcons win 34-20 Eagles at Cowboys: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Eagles, Pep: Eagles, Screw: Cowboys Let’s get one thing straight, the Cowboys are by far the better team in this matchup. I can recognize that they have the same formula as their 2014 team, and their running game is probably even better than it was then, as is their defense. However, I think Carson Wentz feels he needs to prove he is the best rookie quarterback out there, which he obviously is. I think Dak tries to do too much and Carson makes his claim for rookie of the year, even though I know Zeke will end up winning it. But I’m taking the Eagles, even if I’m not quite sure why. Prediction: Eagles win 26-24 Vikings at Bears: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Vikings Well everyone is excited that Jay Cutler is finally back on the field, especially Jay himself. He sounded downright giddy when talking about his return. Still, I don’t think anyone is more excited than the Vikings defense. They know their offense can’t score, so Jay is the perfect quarterback to lead their defense to some touchdowns. Well, he’s no Ryan Fitzpatrick, but they will take what they can get. Sorry to keep picking on you Ryan, but I know you don’t mind since I know you still believe in yourself. And yeah we all like the Vikings. Prediction: Vikings win 21-10 Another great win for the Redskins, and a solid week of picks for the staff. Here are the standings after 6 weeks:
Pep: 60-32 Jemp: 59-33 Screw: 54-38 Reeb: 52-40 Alx: 49-43 Not much changed in the standings as we all had similar picking records, but Jemp gained a game on Pep, and I am slowly catching up to Reeb and Screw. Let’s take a look at week 7. Bears at Packers: Jemp: Packers, Reeb: Packers, Pep: Packers, Screw: Packers I wish I could believe that Brian Hoyer and the Bears could take advantage of the Packers slump, but they somehow lost to the Jaguars when they did everything they could to let the Bears pull away. Aaron Rodgers on the other hand is handling his struggles very well, saying that his receivers need to get to the right spots on time. If only Randall Cobb had been 5 yards out of the back of the end zone, then that pass Rodgers threw last week would have been right to him. Still, I trust the Packers more than the Bears, especially in Lambeau. Prediction: Packers win 20-17 Giants at Rams: Jemp: Rams, Reeb: Giants, Pep: Giants, Screw: Giants Jemp believes the Rams will win in London this week, but the rest of us think Odell will continue to overkill this joke with the kicking net. We here at ProFootballJokes have never overdone a joke, so we know what we are talking about. The Giants will also have to contain that explosive Rams passing attack, led by Case Keenum and Kenny Britt. If only they had running game to help them out. Anyway, while the people in LA are probably pissed that they were gypped out of one of their home games, I say they wouldn’t be happy at the end of this one anyway. Prediction: Giants win 24-17 Vikings at Eagles: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Vikings So the Wentzwagon seems to have thinned out a bit. Carson Wentz had a tough time of it last week, and he gets a defense that is almost as good this week. Again, I will say that I have been impressed with Wentz, but his weapons on offense suck. Also Lane Johnson’s replacement, Halapoulivaati Vaitai (spelled that from memory by the way, but I’m pretty sure it’s right), had one of the worst outings I’ve ever seen by an offensive lineman. He was absolutely slaughtered by Ryan Kerrigan. There was a play where Ryan Kerrigan came unblocked off the edge, where I’m pretty sure Vaitai just pretended like he thought he was supposed to block the interior lineman so he didn’t have to try to block Kerrigan again. Anyway, I’ll give the Eagles a break and say they manage 3 points against the Vikings defense. Prediction: Vikings win 26-3 Colts at Titans: Jemp: Titans, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Titans, Screw: Titans You would think that Demarco Murray might break the single game rushing record in this one considering how bad the Colts have been against the run, but football never seems to work that way. The Titans have been pretty good the past two weeks, but it was against the Dolphins and Browns. The Colts on the other hand are playing for Chuck Pagano’s job, and I think Andrew Luck can get this one done. The excitement in the AFC South never ceases. Prediction: Colts win 27-20 Bills at Dolphins: Jemp: Bills, Reeb: Bills, Pep: Bills, Screw: Bills No one thinks the Dolphins can repeat their performance from last week? Jay Ajayi could be the real deal. Also, LeSean McCoy was injured in practice, so if he misses this game the Bills are in serious trouble. They really don’t have anything else on offense, other than Tyrod Taylor’s rushing ability. Hopefully Shady’s injury isn’t serious, but the Dolphins are so bad I wouldn’t even be surprised if the Bills won without him. The Steelers just happen to suck against bad teams. Prediction: Bills win 34-23 Ravens at Jets: Jemp: Jets, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Jets, Screw: Ravens Jemp and Pep think Geno can fix all of the Jets problems. I admit, making a quarterback change can often spark a team to play well at least that first week. Still, I can’t put my faith in Geno Smith this week. I mean, who knows if one of his teammates is going to punch him out again before the game? If not, the Ravens defense will give him enough punishment. Prediction: Ravens win 23-10 Saints at Chiefs: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Chiefs, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Saints The Saints offense had another good performance in the Superdome last week. Too bad they suck on the road, and Arrowhead is one of the toughest places to play in the NFL. Except for the Chiefs that is. They tend to enjoy playing there, and now we get to watch Spencer Ware and Jamaal Charles rip apart that defense. Screw thinks the Saints have a chance in this one, but it seems like a mismatch to me. Prediction: Chiefs win 42-20 Browns at Bengals: Jemp: Bengals, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Bengals, Screw: Bengals Pep forgot to send his pick in for this game, but I’m just going to assume he is taking the Bengals. I really want to take the Browns one of these games. They play the Jets next week so maybe I will take them in that game. Anyway the Bengals get a break this week after having to play the Patriots last week, and then they go against the best team in football next week. But Bengals fans like Reeb can take solace in the win this week. Prediction: Bengals win 30-13 Redskins at Lions: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins Things are getting heated at ProFootballJokes headquarters, as Pep and I have to watch our Redskins trounce Jemp’s Lions this week, and then Reeb’s Bengals next week. Sorry guys, but maybe your teams can rebound. I’ll be conservative with my score prediction as well. Prediction: Redskins win 99-0 Raiders at Jaguars: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Raiders We all remember when the Raiders vs. Jaguars game would be the matchup of two football teams that were complete trash. Now the Raiders are solid and the Jaguars are only kind of trash. The Jaguars were terrible last week, but still managed to somehow pull out the win, even though we still can’t really figure out how. Nothing with these two teams can really surprise me, but I’m still rolling with the Raiders in this one. Prediction: Raiders win 30-27 Buccaneers at 49ers: Jemp: Bucs, Reeb: Bucs, Pep: Bucs, Screw: Bucs If you had just watched Torrey Smith on the end of that touchdown catch you might have wondered why he turned around and ran backwards after catching a punt. But no, that was actually just Colin Kaepernick throwing a pass. His most successful pass of the day no less. After finally getting to take the field, Kaep looked, as the Bills put it, terrible. Instead, it was LeSean McCoy who stuck it to Chip Kelly, showing that he wasn’t going to be oppressed by white people. I feel like the league should let the Browns play the 49ers so they could have a chance for a win. Instead, I say the Bucs get another win to actually stay competitive in the NFC South, since we all know the Falcons will start to suck at some point. Prediction: Buccaneers win 28-20 Chargers at Falcons: Jemp: Falcons, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons Oh and now I get to talk about these Falcons. Matt Ryan has played lights out, but the real hero on the Falcons is Kyle Shanahan who may be the first person to figure out how to use two talented running backs together. As for the Chargers, they managed not to choke away their game last week, even though they tried their best. Fortunately, Philip Rivers got the win, but I don’t know if the Chargers can do it again this week. I think the Falcons remain on their hot streak, and win a shootout at home. Prediction: Falcons win 38-34 Patriots at Steelers: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots This should be a good battle between Tom Brady and Landry Jones. Maybe Landry Jones could pull out the win? I mean he does have LeVeon Bell and Antonio Brown. And that’s about it. Sammie Coates loses all value since he doesn’t have Big Ben to throw him perfect deep balls, as does Darrius Heyward-Bey. Without that they are just receiver who have about 50% chance of dropping the ball every time you throw it to them. Oh yeah and it doesn’t really matter how many points the Steelers score because the Patriots will score more. Prediction: Patriots win 37-13 Seahawks at Cardinals: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks I am looking forward to this game, because the Cardinals get a real test to see if they are really back to being as good as they were last year. I suspect that they are not, because Carson Palmer still doesn’t look like one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL. David Johnson has been great, but I don’t know that the Cardinals can shift to a power running attack like the Cowboys. The Seahawks have somehow just fixed themselves and I don’t think the Cardinals can beat them right now, even in the desert. Prediction: Seahawks win 20-13 Texans at Broncos: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Broncos, Screw: Broncos Lol at the Texans. Prediction: Broncos win 23-0 Here are the standings after 5 weeks:
Pep: 50-27 Jemp: 48-29 Screw: 46-31 Reeb: 43-34 Alx: 39-38 Pep has slightly extended his lead, but at least I am back above .500. I also made up some ground on Reeb so that’s nice. But there are still many games yet to be picked so let’s start with week 6. Broncos at Chargers: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Chargers, Screw: Broncos Well the Chargers did a great job of blowing the game last week in a new way. I called that they would fumble on that drive, but I didn’t expect it to happen on the field goal attempt. Way to keep things interesting San Diego. This week I say the Broncos are down 4 late in the game and then Trevor Siemian/Paxton Lynch throws an interception, then the Chargers defender fumbles and the Broncos recover for a touchdown. Oh wait that’s kind of how the Chargers lost back in ’06 to the Patriots in the playoffs, so maybe they will come up with something more original. Prediction: Broncos win 20-17 Panthers at Saints: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Saints, Pep: Saints, Screw: Saints Alright so I had faith in Derek Anderson last week against a bad Bucs defense and he screwed my fantasy team. Not that I started Derek Anderson but his turnovers and lack of production hurt Kelvin Benjamin who I needed to score 15 points. Anyway, the Panthers get another terrible defense this week, and I’m hopeful that Cam will make it back for this one. Everyone else has given up on the Panthers, but I still believe they can turn it around. Prediction: Panthers win 42-34 Browns at Titans: Jemp: Titans, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Titans, Screw: Titans Pep did a great job outlining the options for the Browns at quarterback. They should probably consider hiring him as their general manager, but I think Pep actually has a more prestigious job here at ProFootballJokes. This game may be the best shot the Browns have to win for the rest of the year, but still none of us think they can pull it off. Still, maybe the Browns can shock the world and beat the fearsome Tennessee Titans. Prediction: Titans win 26-13 Eagles at Redskins: Jemp: Redskins, Reeb: Eagles, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins The Redskins got the win last week with some clever playcalling and perfect execution. Now they get to play the Eagles, who finally got a taste of reality last week, and now have to take on the Redskins. Maybe the Redskins will take it easy on them. Prediction: Redskins win 200-0 Bengals at Patriots: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots Not even Reeb thinks his beloved Bengals can win this one. I guess the Bengals are tired of people talking about how they always lose in the first round of the playoffs, so they decided they aren’t going this year. Smart move, it worked for the Falcons, now we actually give them credit for winning games in the regular season even if we know they will fall apart at some point. Okay, maybe we don’t give them that much credit. Anyway, I said I wasn’t picking against the Patriots for the rest of the year, until they play the Redskins in the Super Bowl of course. Prediction: Patriots win 37-24 Ravens at Giants: Jemp: Ravens, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Giants, Screw: Ravens I was the only one to pick the Giants last week, and Eli went and couldn’t do anything against a lackluster Packer secondary. Still, at least the Giants didn’t try to score by tossing the ball out of the endzone. Hopefully CJ Mosley now knows that doesn’t count as a touchdown. Granted, that was against the Redskins so it was inevitable when the Redskins drew that play up. Still, I’m picking the Giants again, and just counting on the fact that Eli is due for a good game. Prediction: Giants win 23-20 49ers at Bills: Jemp: Bills, Reeb: Bills, Pep: 49ers, Screw: Bills Colin Kaepernick is back, and Pep thinks he can pull off the win against the Bills. Unfortunately, I think Kaepernick will actually have to stand during the game now, but I’m sure the Bills will help him continue to protest. He can now claim that he is lying on the turf to protest that the NFL oppresses the 49ers, which is hard to argue with. Oh yeah, and the Bills had another good win last week, and everyone except Pep thinks they keep it going against the niners. Prediction: Bills win 24-14 Jaguars at Bears: Jemp: Jaguars, Reeb: Jaguars, Pep: Jaguars, Screw: Bears I know I said I wasn’t going to agree with Screw anymore when he goes against the rest of the group, but I am down big in the picks and I figure if I’m going to catch up I will have to do that eventually. So I am going with the Bears. The Jaguars did play well against the Colts, but they have yet to win a game on this continent. Jordan Howard is my new favorite player in fantasy, and will definitely be the waiver wire pickup of the year. Brian Hoyer is also playing very well, but maybe he should think about looking over at Alshon Jeffery a little more? If I were the Jaguars I would just leave Alshon uncovered on every play and see if Brian Hoyer actually throws it to him. Still he is turning guys like Cameron Meredith and Eddie Royal into stars so I think the Bears get this one at home. Prediction: Bears win 30-28 Rams at Lions: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Lions, Screw: Lions We all like the Lions in this one, which means they will probably blow it. The Lions took it the Eagles last week, and I’m sure Jim Schwartz is running his defense for letting that happen. The Rams on the other hand have gone back to trying fake punts to try and steal games, but it didn’t work last week. No one really expected them to hold on to the NFC West, and now they are back to that “7-9 bullshit” as Jeff Fisher would put it. If the Rams are going to make it to 7-9 they will have to lose a few extra games, so we say they lose in Detroit. Prediction: Lions win 24-17 Steelers at Dolphins: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers So I think the Dolphins deserve consideration for the worst team in the league. I mean, if it hadn’t been for Cody Parkey missing three kicks, the Browns would have beaten the Dolphins. Remember when everybody was excited for the Dolphins last year, and we told you they would continue to suck? Well even we didn’t think it would get this bad. The Steelers still have probably the most explosive offense in the league, and with LeVeon Bell back they can work the short game too. None of us think this one will be close, unless Big Ben decides to play like he did against the Eagles. But even if he does, we don’t think the Dolphins can pull off the win. Prediction: Steelers win 38-17 Chiefs at Raiders: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Raiders Wow, no one believes in the Chiefs after imploding against the Steelers their last time out. The Raiders offense continues to dominate, and whenever they are in a bind they can just throw a fade to Michael Crabtree which always works somehow. But I actually like the Chiefs in this one. Come on guys, Andy Reid doesn’t lose after the bye week. Not to mention the fact that Jamaal Charles should be back to having a full workload, we hope at least. It is tough to go to the black hole and win, but I think the Chiefs do it this week. Prediction: Chiefs win 28-20 Cowboys at Packers: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Packers, Screw: Cowboys I keep going back and forth on this game. Sure the Cowboys looked good last week, and it is obvious their running game is as good as it was in 2014 if not better. I know the Packers run defense has been good this year, but they have played the Jaguars, Vikings, Lions, and Giants. They rank 30th, 32nd, 23rd, and 27th in rushing offense respectively. The Cowboys will still be able to run the ball, so the Packers only chance is to get off to a hot start since we know that Aaron Rodgers can’t throw touchdowns in the second half. I think this feels like a game where the Packers get off to like a 21-0 lead and then I don’t believe that Dak can make a comeback. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I’m taking the Pack at home. Prediction: Packers win 24-17 Falcons at Seahawks: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons It should be interesting watching Dan Quinn go back up against the Seahawks with an actual chance to win. Pep and Screw think the Falcons continue to ride high but they still know the Falcons will fall apart at some point in the season. However, I still can’t believe that the Falcons can win in Denver and then in Seattle in back to back weeks. I like the Seahawks to continue to play well and get the win. Their offense seems to have come alive with the help of Christine Michael and Jimmy Graham, and their defense has played well all season. Oh yeah and we get to watch Richard Sherman on Julio Jones. Prediction: Seahawks win 27-24 Colts at Texans: Jemp: Texans, Reeb: Colts, Pep: Texans, Screw: Colts This was a tough game for me to pick, because you all know I have trouble giving the Texans any love. Still, I think that everyone has started to understand that the Texans were overhyped. Even though their only losses were to the Patriots and Vikings, they got pummeled so badly in those two games that we now know they can’t compete with any of the elite teams in the league. However, the Colts are far from an elite team, and I think the Texans can actually beat them. It wouldn’t shock me at all if Brock Osweiler throws the game away, but I think the Texans defense will get to Luck enough to stop the Colts offense, and Luck hasn’t seemed to be able to complete comebacks quite like he used to. I know he did it against the Chargers, but it’s hard not to come back against the Chargers. Prediction: Texans win 27-23 Jets at Cardinals: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Cardinals I kind of want the Jets to win this week so it isn’t so awkward on Inside the NFL when they talk about the Jets in front of Brandon Marshall. But Ryan Fitzpatrick seems to have completely forgotten how to play football. He also doesn’t really have anyone to throw the ball to other than Brandon Marshall now that Eric Decker is out. Maybe they should try throwing the ball to Matt Forte instead of taking him off the field on 3rd downs. He has had 100 receptions in a season before, which is more than Eric Decker has ever had. Or I guess Fitz can just continue to throw to the other team. Yeah I’m sticking with the Cardinals in this one. Prediction: Cardinals win 35-20 So I might have had a rough week for my picks, but at least the Redskins won. Here are the standings:
Pep: 40-23 Jemp: 39-24 Screw: 37-26 Reeb: 36-27 Alx: 30-33 Pep has taken the lead, while I have fallen under .500 after going 5-10 last week. Yeah this is embarrassing, but I haven’t given up yet. Time for me to make up some ground, let’s get to the picks. Cardinals at 49ers: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: 49ers, Screw: Cardinals The Cardinals have struggled a little bit the last couple of weeks. Their offense just can’t seem to get anything going, but fortunately the 49ers are here to save the day. NaVorro Bowman is out for the year, and it’s not week 1, so most of think the Cardinals can get back on track this week. I wonder what Patrick Peterson is going to do this game. Is he going to shadow Jeremy Kerley? Or Torrey Smith? Or Quinton Patton? So many weapons to defend, it must be hard to choose which to assign to Peterson. At least Pep thinks Blaine Gabbert and the 49ers can pull this one out. Prediction: Cardinals win 23-13 Titans at Dolphins: Jemp: Dolphins, Reeb: Dolphins, Pep: Titans, Screw: Dolphins The Dolphins only win this year has come against the Browns, and the Titans were able to beat the Lions with the help of around 150 penalties. Now one of these lucky teams is going to get a second win. I am going to agree with Pep and go with the Titans. They actually haven’t been terrible this year, there defense hasn’t been bad, and at least Demarco Murray has played well. Mariota hasn’t been great, but it’s hard to expect anything else when they get rid of all his receivers, who weren’t all that great to begin with. Prediction: Titans win 17-14 Jets at Steelers: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers I am so tempted to take Jets again this week. Remember when Big Ben had back to back 6 TD games against tough pass defenses? Then the next week he took on the Jets who had struggled against the pass, and he threw only one touchdown and two picks, and they lost 20-13… to Michael Vick. Maybe the reverse can happen to Ryan Fitzpatrick this week. Maybe the Steelers can slow down his ability to throw interceptions, and maybe he will only throw one this week? Anything is possible, but I think the Steelers are a little too much for the Jets right now. Prediction: Steelers win 28-25 Bears at Colts: Jemp: Colts, Reeb: Bears, Pep: Colts, Screw: Colts The Bears finally got a win last week. I guess all they needed was a little Hoyer freakin magic. The Bears have also lost Kevin White for the year, so maybe they will stop trying to force him the ball despite the fact that he blows. The Colts have to return to the states after a disappointing trip to London. Andrew Luck gets to come back home this week and has a very winnable game for his Colts. Then again, maybe that ferocious Bears defense can shut him down like they did Matthew Stafford. Prediction: Colts win 28-27 Texans at Vikings: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Vikings The Vikings have looked pretty impressive so far this year. Sam Bradford has played pretty well, but the Vikings are still 31st in total offense so let’s not gush over him quite like Cris Collinsworth was. They did start to get Jerick McKinnon going last game, so maybe their running game can start to do some damage as the season moves along. They have talent along their offensive line, so they should continue to improve. Fortunately, they are playing the Texans this week, so they shouldn’t need any offense to win this one. Prediction: Vikings win 20-0 Eagles at Lions: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Eagles, Pep: Lions, Screw: Eagles I am certainly rooting for the Lions in this one, but it’s hard for me to pick them right after they lost to the Bears. Besides, we all know this is the biggest game of the year for Jim Schwartz. I wonder if they will carry him off the field if the 3-0 Eagles beat the 1-3 Lions. Carson Wentz has been very good, but he will get a taste of reality next week. This week he will go ahead and take care of the Lions. Prediction: Eagles win 20-13 Redskins at Ravens: Jemp: Ravens, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Redskins It’s the Battle of the Beltway, with the two closest teams to ProFootballJokes headquarters squaring off. Jemp and Reeb appear to be on the wrong side, especially with the Redskins adding Donte Hitner to the squad. Obviously the Redskins will dominate once again on their way to their 14-2 record. Prediction: Redskins win 100-0 Patriots at Browns: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Patriots This was supposed to be the return of one of the best players in the league, but Josh Gordon is in rehab so I guess we will have to settle for watching Tom Brady come back. Brady could be a little rusty though, since he has been out of football for a month now. It is hard to replicate a real NFL team going full speed, but that is exactly what the Browns will try to do on Sunday. It is nice of the league to give Tom this game to get back into the swing of things. I can’t pick the Patriots to win by quite as much as the Redskins, but I think they will still win by a good margin. Prediction: Patriots win 99-0 Falcons at Broncos: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Broncos So Julio Jones had a decent game last week. As did Matt Ryan. They became the first QB-WR duo to throw for 500 yards have 300 receiving yards. That is really kind of pathetic for the teammates of the other 300 yard receivers. If one guy can get 300 receiving yards, can’t all the rest of the guys combined get at least 200? Anyway, I don’t think they come close to that number again this week at Mile High. Pep still thinks the Falcons can win, which they can, but we all know they will fall apart sooner or later, so we might as well pick them to fall to the defending champs. Prediction: Broncos win 27-20 Chargers at Raiders: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Raiders Derek Carr has been clutch this year, as he had another huge game-winning drive last week. Philip Rivers on the other hand, never gets a chance to try to win games, because the rest of his team just loses it for him. He threw his first interception last week, and it was at the end of the game on a 4th and 26. It was also after his team fumbled twice to let the Saints take the lead. As Ladanian Tomlinson said, the Chargers need players who can smell blood in the water, which he called “dogs.” Despite the lack of logic behind the name, LT is right, the Chargers just find ways to lose game, while the Raiders have been finding ways to win them. Prediction: Raiders win 31-30 Bengals at Cowboys: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Bengals, Screw: Bengals Well Dak Prescott actually gets to play against a real team this week, after getting to play the Bears and 49ers the past two weeks. Zeke is starting to take over behind that offensive line, but I don’t think it will be enough against the Bengals. I say Dak will finally throw a pick this week. Unfortunately for the Bengals, AJ Green had a big game last week, so he will probably disappear in this game. I still think the Bengals can get the run game going and maybe even get some other receivers involved. Probably not, but I still say they get the win. Prediction: Bengals win 24-17 Bills at Rams: Jemp: Rams, Reeb: Bills, Pep: Rams, Screw: Bills The Bills have won two impressive games in a row, while the Rams are in first place in the NFC West. It’s hard to trust either of these teams going forward, but I think the Bills are riding the bigger high. They finally took down the Pats, even if it was with Jacoby Brissett. I say they continue their hot streak in LA, even though I hope Todd Gurley has a big game. Prediction: Bills win 23-17 Giants at Packers: Jemp: Packers, Reeb: Packers, Pep: Packers, Screw: Packers The rest of the staff is taking the Packers to win at home. It is tough to win at Lambeau, but Eli Manning tends to play very well against elite quarterbacks. The Packers defense has been vulnerable against the pass, and I don’t think they match up with the trio of OBJ, Sterling Shepard, and Victor Cruz. Unfortunately, I think Odell will have dry eyes this week, and the Giants pull the upset. Prediction: Giants win 31-28 Buccaneers at Panthers: Jemp: Panthers, Reeb: Panthers, Pep: Panthers, Screw: Panthers We all like the Panthers to beat the Bucs, even if Cam doesn’t play in this one. I suspect he will, but I trust Derek Anderson to get this one done anyway. The Bucs have had a tough schedule, but their defense has been absolutely terrible. All their corners are tiny, so Kelvin Benjamin should feast on them, at least I hope so for the sake of my fantasy team. Although, it is possible that the Panthers defense could allow Mike Evans to go off like Julio did last week. As Josh Norman said “You get what you pay for.” Prediction: Panthers win 27-23 What a great week 3. The Redskins completely dominated the Giants, and my biggest fantasy blunder was starting the Chiefs defense, who scored 43 points, over the Vikings defense, who scored 45 points. Yeah defensive scoring in this league is inflated, so they ended up being the two highest scoring players of the week. Anyway, here are the standings for our picks?
Jemp: 30-18 Pep: 29-19 Reeb: 27-21 Screw: 26-22 Alx: 25-23 So Jemp only went 8-8 in his picks last week, allowing some of us to catch up, just not me because I went 7-9. Yeah I’m back on the bottom, but I’m still not worried. There is plenty of football yet to be played, so let’s get to picking some games. Dolphins at Bengals: Jemp: Bengals, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Bengals, Screw: Bengals Everyone is picking the Bengals to win a game in primetime. A testament to the unwavering faith we all have in Andy Dalton, even against a Dolphins team that got an impressive win last week. But in all seriousness I think we were all more impressed by their loss in Seattle than their win against the Browns. Now they have to play in Cincinnati where they have to just show up and hope Andy Dalton chokes hard. We all say he doesn’t, even if we are still a little uneasy about it. Prediction: Bengals win 19-17 Colts at Jaguars: Jemp: Jags, Reeb: Jags, Pep: Colts, Screw: Jags Last year the Jaguars finally won a game in London. It must be nice for the Jaguars to play over there because most of the fans there have no idea how bad the Jaguars are. Sure the fans in Jacksonville probably had some hope for this season, but after starting 0-3 we figure they have probably lost their enthusiasm. As for the Colts, they finally got a win last week, and their defense actually played okay. Regardless, I say the Colts beat the Jags with thousands of fans cheering without knowing what is going on. Prediction: Colts win 31-24 Bills at Patriots: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Bills, Screw: Patriots No one seems to know or care who will play quarterback for the Patriots. Changing the quarterback for the Patriots is like changing the long snapper for the Bills. All they need is someone not to completely screw things up. Then again, Rex Ryan has actually done a decent job playing the Patriots tough, at least compared to how other teams play the Patriots. The Bills also had an impressive win against the Cardinals last week, so I wouldn’t be completely shocked if they managed to pull the upset this week. But yeah, there is no way I am picking against the Patriots again, probably for the rest of the year… maybe the next few years. Prediction: Patriots win 26-20 Browns at Redskins: Jemp: Redskins, Reeb: Redskins, Pep: Browns, Screw: Redskins I really thought everyone was going to take the Redskins this week, but Pep had to be a pessimist. Granted the Browns probably get a little too much grief. They played the Ravens and Dolphins tough, and they may have been blown out by the Eagles, but so were the Steelers last week. That being said, they now have to deal with Kirk and the Redskins, and that is something no team can handle. Prediction: Redskins win 300-0 Titans at Texans: Jemp: Texans, Reeb: Titans, Pep: Texans, Screw: Texans So I finally picked the Texans to win a game and laid an egg on national television. Now they have lost JJ Watt, so their defense is no longer elite. Pair that with the subpar offense, and you are looking at possibly the best team in the AFC South. Still, I think the Titans can get this one. Their defense has been good all year, and I think they can win this one without throwing too much. The Patriots only completed 11 passes last Thursday and won. Then again, they recovered two fumbles on kickoffs, and they completely shut down the Texans offense, and of course, they are the Patriots. But still, I’m taking the Titans. Prediction: Titans win 10-6 Seahawks at Jets: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks The Seahawks looked like they were back to being the best team in the league last week, but that was against the 49ers in Seattle. I told you the Seahawks had some bad matchups early, because the Dolphins and Rams have really good defensive lines against the Seahawks terrible offensive line. Now they have to play the Jets, who may have the best defensive line in the league. Oh yeah, and they aren’t playing in Seattle this week. Instead they have to play in MetLife, where we all know they haven’t had any success. Okay, maybe they have a little success, but I think Ryan Fitzpatrick is bound to bounce back strong this week. Hopefully he only throws like 2 or 3 picks this week, and I say that will be enough to get the win. Prediction: Jets win 20-10 Lions at Bears: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Lions, Pep: Lions, Screw: Lions Alright, so I may have missed the mark on Jeremy Langford. I drafted him in 9 different fantasy leagues, and I dropped him this week in every single one. This is giving me Bishop Sankey flashbacks, but at least this time I am cutting ties early. Hopefully Jordan Howard works out, even if he is on a terrible team. On the other side you have the number one receiver in fantasy football, Marvin Jones. We did say he was an upgrade over Calvin Johnson, and you have no way to prove we were being sarcastic. Oh yeah, and I’m talking about fantasy football because I figure that is the only reason to watch this game. If you want to know who is going to win, it’s the Lions. The Bears suck. Prediction: Lions win 32-20 Panthers at Falcons: Jemp: Panthers, Reeb: Panthers, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons So yeah the Falcons offense looked pretty good on Monday Night, but that was against the Saints defense. Devonta Freeman rushed for 152 yards on 14 carries, but that isn’t the most impressive stat. The most impressive stat is that he had 112 yards before contact, which is an average of 8 yards per carry before the Saints touched him. Did I say impressive? I meant pathetic. I think the Panthers will try to hit him a little earlier. I also don’t think the Falcons defense can do what the Vikings defense did last week. Hopefully Kelvin Benjamin actually gets a catch. Prediction: Panthers win 28-14 Raiders at Ravens: Jemp: Ravens, Reeb: Ravens, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Ravens The Raiders defense didn’t completely fall apart last week. I guess Sean Smith could handle covering Tajae Sharpe. Now their secondary gets to be tested by Mike Wallace and Steve Smith. If only they had Jalen Ramsey to get in Steve Smith’s head, and then talk some trash after the game with a lot of awkward head and shoulder bobs or sways or whatever that was. Anyway, I hope the Raiders defense is actually getting better, but I’m not convinced by one performance against the Titans. Prediction: Ravens win 30-28 Broncos at Buccaneers: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Broncos, Pep: Broncos, Screw: Broncos Willie Thompson, aka Trevor Siemian, really came into his own last week. The Broncos have now shown they can win in so many different ways. First they beat the Panthers with their running game, then they beat the Colts by scoring on defense, and last week the passing game finally came alive. The Bucs allowed the Rams to score 37 points, so none of us trust them this week against the Broncos. Hopefully this week there won’t be a delay this week that stops us from watching the last drive of a one score game. Prediction: Broncos win 30-17 Cowboys at 49ers: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Cowboys, Screw: Cowboys Man, what a job Dak Prescott is doing. I mean, he actually threw a touchdown last week… against the Bears. I think that proves he is the real deal. Anyway, he gets the 49ers this week who shockingly haven’t lived up to their week 1 performance against the Rams. Who would have thought? Anyway Dak may be overrated, but he is still better than Blaine Gabbert so we are all picking the Cowboys. Prediction: Cowboys win 24-17 Rams at Cardinals: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Cardinals Carson Palmer struggled last week, and the Bills were able to run all over that Cardinals defense. Well hopefully Todd Gurley can get it going, but I don’t think Carson Palmer will throw four interceptions again. The Cardinals may be inconsistent this year, but I trust them enough to take care of the Rams at home. Also Patrick Peterson had a sweet interception last week that deserved to be talked about more. Prediction: Cardinals win 37-14 Saints at Chargers: Jemp: Chargers, Reeb: Saints, Pep: Saints, Screw: Saints So I think I talked enough about the Saints defense when picking the Falcons game. Instead let’s talk about Drew Brees going against the man who replaced him in San Diego. Alright, he’s probably over that by now. How about two veteran quarterbacks who are charged with trying to carry crappy teams to wins? Drew Brees has to try to score on every possession because he knows his defense isn’t going to stop the opposing offense. Philip Rivers has to overcome having no receivers and a shaky offensive line to try and manufacture offense. Mike Mccoy’s reaction when Hunter Henry fumbled last week really said it all. Still, I’m going with the Chargers I guess since they are at home. Prediction: Chargers win 35-31 Chiefs at Steelers: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Steelers Interesting that everyone is picking the Steelers after last week. The Steelers got trounced by the Eagles, while the Chiefs defense just dominated the Jets. But this game could feature the return of two All-Pro running backs even though we don’t actually know if Jamaal Charles will play in this game. We do know Leveon Bell will play, so maybe that is why these guys are taking the Steelers. But I like the matchup for the Chiefs. The Eagles owned the Steelers last week with a lot of screens and short passes, which is exactly what the Chiefs like to do. Remember Doug Pederson brought that Chiefs offense to Philly. Ben will probably rebound this week, but I still like the Chiefs to win this one. Prediction: Chiefs win 30-28 Giants at Vikings: Jemp: Vikings, Reeb: Vikings, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Vikings It looks like the Vikings defense might be even better than I said they were. They may be even better than the Broncos defense. This week they have to deal with Eli Manning, which should be very challenging after shutting down Aaron Rodgers and Cam Newton. We all think Odell will be crying on the sidelines again in this one, but he has probably learned his lesson when it comes to fighting with the kicking net. Maybe he can try picking on the Gatorade bucket instead. Prediction: Vikings win 20-14 Here are the standings through two weeks.
Jemp: 22-10 Pep: 18-14 Reeb: 18-14 Alx: 18-14 Screw: 17-15 Jemp has taken a commanding lead in the picks, and Screw is back on the bottom. At least he always sends his picks in on time though unlike everyone else on the staff. Now let’s get to picking some more games. Texans at Patriots: Jemp: Patriots, Reeb: Patriots, Pep: Patriots, Screw: Texans Pep - In case you didn’t know, Bill Belichick doesn’t give a shit who’s starting at any position on his team. The Patriots will win. Face it. We here at ProFootballJokes don’t like to root for injuries, but is there anyone out there who doesn’t want to see Julian Edelman play quarterback for the Patriots? If Jacoby Brissett gets hurt, then that could be what ends up happening. Either way, I think the Patriots will have a tough time producing offense against the Texans. I admit this Texans defense is pretty good, but I still maintain that Brock Osweiler and Lamar Miller suck. That being said, I’m actually going to pick the Texans. Prediction: Texans win 10-6 Browns at Dolphins: Jemp: Dolphins, Reeb: Dolphins, Pep: Dolphins, Screw: Dolphins Pep - This game doesn’t matter and will not impact any other team in the NFL whatsoever. We saw the Browns offense show some life last week. Cory Coleman really got going, and then he went and broke his hand in practice. Good thing they still have Terrell Pryor at receiver with Cody Kessler throwing him the ball. I guess the schedule-makers decided to give the Dolphins a break after making them play their first two game at Seattle and then at New England. Prediction: Dolphins win 24-13 Raiders at Titans: Jemp: Raiders, Reeb: Raiders, Pep: Raiders, Screw: Titans Pep - I’m genuinely happy for Raiders fans. Never again will you guys have to listen to commentators reminisce on the Rich Gannon glory days. Derek Carr is legit. Pep, I agree that Derek Carr and this offense is good, but the Raiders defense hasn’t played quite as well. At least they held Matt Ryan under 400 yards last week. He only had 396 yards and 3 TDs, while Drew Brees had 423 yards and 4 TDs, so they are improving. This week they will have to defend against Tajae Sharpe and Andre Johnson who is like 50 now. Everyone except Screw thinks the Raiders can handle the Titans. Prediction: Raiders win 28-23 Ravens at Jaguars: Jemp: Jaguars, Reeb: Jaguars, Pep: Jaguars, Screw: Ravens Pep - Man was it foolish of me to pick my spirited Jags last week. I should’ve known the big bad Chargers would drop 40 points on them. This offseason the Jaguars did exactly what you should do in Madden: Buy a bunch of pretty good players and expect to be good this season. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work in real life, apparently. Go Jags! Well I thought I would be in the minority when I picked the Jaguars, but I guess we here at ProFootballJokes think alike. The Ravens had some trouble with the Browns last week, which we consider inexcusable. Yeah, the Jaguars got stomped last week by a depleted Chargers offense, but I think they bounce back this week in a home game against the Ravens. I still think the Ravens are a solid team, but they take a loss this week. Prediction: Jaguars win 28-26 Redskins at Giants: Jemp: Giants, Reeb: Giants, Pep: Redskins, Screw: Giants Pep - There have been some bright spots for the Redskins in the first 2 games, but ultimately it all comes down to Kirkland. Chill out man, you’re only playing for a potential contract that will have you financially set for life. DC sports fans are totally patient people too. No pressure bud. Don’t worry Pep, Kirk doesn’t feel pressure, and he will torch the Giants this week just like he always does. Josh Norman will shut down OBJ, and maybe even Matt Jones will get into the endzone. Prediction: Redskins win 100-0 Cardinals at Bills: Jemp: Cardinals, Reeb: Cardinals, Pep: Cardinals, Screw: Cardinals Pep - I picked against my beloved Cardinals last week. There wasn’t any good reason for it, I just thought they’d start 0-2 and bounce back like the winners they are. The Cardinals looked just like their 2015 selves against the Buccaneers last week. This week they get to play against the Bills who did the smart thing after losing 38-31 and fired their offensive coordinator. To be fair, the Bills scored 4 touchdowns in that game. Two were big plays, one was on defense, and the last one was in garbage time. Not much of the scoring can be attributed to the offensive playbook and playcalling. Unfortunately, we don’t think there is any plays that the Bills can call to beat the Cardinals. Prediction: Cardinals win 31-17 Vikings at Panthers: Jemp: Panthers, Reeb: Panthers, Pep: Vikings, Screw: Panthers Pep - I’m pulling for the Vikings. They’re playing well against all odds. Just to be clear, I think the Vikings have the best defense in this game. Those Panthers corners have yet to be tested. Last week they played the 49ers who don’t have any receivers, and the week before they played against Trevor Siemian. I know they held Demaryius Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders in check, but so did the Colts last week with literally 5 of their cornerbacks hurt. Stefon Diggs looks like the real deal, and he is pretty much tasked with carrying the Vikings offense. I still think it’s not quite enough against Cam and the Panther offense. Prediction: Panthers win 23-17 Broncos at Bengals: Jemp: Broncos, Reeb: Bengals, Pep: Broncos, Screw: Broncos Pep - For those who don’t play Madden 07 with us, Trevor Siemian is the real life Willie Thompson, which means he’s good enough to lead this team to a winning record at the very least. Willie Thompson was a quarterback I drafted as Mr. Irrelevant in one of our Madden seasons, and he sat behind Tom Brady for years, but eventually won me a Super Bowl after Brady retired. Good times. I agree Siemian will lead the Broncos at least to the playoffs, but I like the Bengals this week. Siemian has struggled to get the ball to his talented receivers, and I think the Broncos can’t win this one without scoring on defense. Since it isn’t the playoffs yet, I don’t think Andy Dalton will give them one of those this week. Prediction: Bengals win 20-17 Lions at Packers: Jemp: Lions, Reeb: Packers, Pep: Packers, Screw: Lions Pep - I hate the Packers but they’ve got a favorable matchup here. Lions are still trying to find an identity on offense since Calvin Johnson left, and that’s probably what they’ll still be trying to do 20 years from now. I agree with Pep on this one. The Lions lost to the Titans last week, so I don’t see them being able to beat the Packers. The good news for Lions fans is that no loss to the Packers could compare to the one they had last year. Still I expect the Lions to keep this one close for a while to give Jemp some hope, and then have it snatched away. Either that or the Packers blow them out. Prediction: Packers win 24-23 Rams at Buccaneers: Jemp: Bucs, Reeb: Bucs, Pep: Bucs, Screw: Bucs Pep - The Buccaneers are a decent football team despite what you saw last Sunday. Despite losing the game, the Case Keenum will shatter our expectations and lead the Rams offense to score 10 points. I went against the grain last week and picked the Rams to beat the Seahawks, and stole a game on the rest of the staff. I’m not pushing my luck this week. The Rams are still keeping the number one pick in the draft on the bench, while Carson Wentz is killing it in Philly. I can’t say I’m not enjoying watching the Rams get the raw end of a deal for the number one overall pick. But I would really appreciate it if Todd Gurley could score some fantasy points. Prediction: Buccaneers win 21-10 49ers at Seahawks: Jemp: Seahawks, Reeb: Seahawks, Pep: Seahawks, Screw: Seahawks Pep - Seattle not being able to beat the Rams is just so strange to me. Oh yeah, I forgot I was supposed to be talking about Blaine Gabbert and the exciting 49ers. They’ll lose. I wouldn’t be shocked if the Seahawks lost again, but the 49ers are still pretty bad and you still have to give some respect to the 12th man. The Seahawks have had some bad matchups so far with their horrid offensive line going against some pretty tough front fours. The Seahawks aren’t an elite team anymore, but they should take care of the 49ers. Prediction: Seahawks win 17-10 Jets at Chiefs: Jemp: Chiefs, Reeb: Chiefs, Pep: Chiefs, Screw: Chiefs Pep - I won’t lie, the Jets look pretty decent sometimes. But inconsistency is key for Ryan Fitzpatrick so I’ll predict a loss here. Jamaal, please come back. Really? No one is taking the Jets? Yeah Darrelle Revis has gotten torched so far, but the defense has plenty of talent, and they can adjust to give Revis help. The offense is very talented as well, even if they do have to rely on Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing the ball. However, I think the Chiefs are good too, despite losing to the Texans last week. They also get the benefit of playing in Arrowhead, with Jamaal Charles probably making his season debut. I say Charles plays well, and the Chiefs get a score on defense. I guess we are all taking the Chiefs. Prediction: Chiefs win 26-23 Chargers at Colts: Jemp: Colts, Reeb: Colts, Pep: Chargers, Screw: Colts Pep - The Colts are bad and Chuck Pagano is probably going to get fired. Where did it all go wrong? 2013. Trent Richardson. Blame him. Yeah the Colts put up a good fight against the Broncos last week, despite failing miserably at the end and giving the Broncos defense a ton of fantasy points when I was playing against them in fantasy. Don’t worry, I still beat Jemp. Anyway, there is no way I’m picking against Philip Rivers again after he shredded the Jaguars last week. He should do the same against this depleted Colts secondary. Prediction: Chargers win 35-31 Steelers at Eagles: Jemp: Steelers, Reeb: Steelers, Pep: Steelers, Screw: Eagles Pep - The Steelers are a solid football team. They beat the Redskins which should tell you how good they are. And hey, that Carson Wentz guy isn’t so bad, but let’s see how he fares against an actual NFL team. The Bears and Browns don’t count. Screw is taking the Eagles because he doesn’t want to have the Steelers lose and have his pick be wrong in the same week, which is pretty dumb reasoning if you ask me. Especially since the Eagles still suck, even though I admit Carson Wentz is pretty good. Watching the Bears play the Eagles, it felt as if the Bears kept begging the Eagles to beat them, and eventually the Eagles said “fine, we will.” The Steelers probably won’t do the same. Prediction: Steelers win 35-17 Bears at Cowboys: Jemp: Cowboys, Reeb: Cowboys, Pep: Cowboys, Screw: Cowboys Pep - The Bears flat out suck. Imagine where they’d be if they’d stuck with Josh McCown in 2013. At least he looks like a hero in Cleveland for throwing 2 touchdown passes and leading them to score 20 points. For a second there, Browns fans had a glimmer of hope for one quarter of a football game. And to be honest, that’s really all they can ask for for the rest of this franchise’s existence. Well you make some good points Pep, but at least the Bears get to have another brief hero for the Browns in Brian Hoyer. He may not win any games, but hopefully he can help out Alshonn Jeffery score for my fantasy team. He fed DeAndre Hopkins the ball in Houston, and fed Josh Gordon in Cleveland, so can you do the same for Alshonn here in Chicago? You aren’t going to win anyway, so just help me out here, please. Prediction: Cowboys win 31-24 Falcons at Saints: Jemp: Saints, Reeb: Falcons, Pep: Falcons, Screw: Falcons Pep - Reminiscing on the days when Matt Ryan was considered elite. Man, Drew Brees must be feeling left out of those discussions these days. That Jimmy Graham trade totally destroyed him and this team’s playoff chances. Well, at least this is an improvement on Rams vs. 49ers and Eagles vs. Bears. At least we should get to see a lot of offense in this game. Although, that is what we thought last week in the Saints game and it didn’t happen. Still, Matt Ryan is the top scoring quarterback in fantasy so maybe he is elite again, Pep. Probably not, though. I say the Saints win a shootout at home. Prediction: Saints win 38-35 |
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